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Those who know me well will tell you that I'm a planner. In fact, I probably enjoy planning things more than I actually enjoy doing them! Especially with things like family events and travel, I can plan with the best of them.
Then, detours happen.
Recently I made a long road trip from Southeastern Louisiana to Southwestern Utah with my mom and my three daughters. Being the planner that I am, I had everything mapped out. We would go exactly nine hours each day, stay on the interstate as much as possible, and get there at precisely 6:00 p.m. on the third day (okay, I'm exaggerating just a bit, but you get the idea)!
Then, a detour happened!
We were an hour or so west of Albuquerque (almost there! My plan has worked!) and mom says, “Gee, don't you think it would be fun to drive through the Hopi Nation instead?”
At first, I resisted. No, I thought—I have been driving for 2-½ days with three children in a Santa Fe! I am ready to get there. No detours!
Along the way, she kept dropping little hints about how neat it would be “how much the kids would learn” and, what do you know, when it came time stay on the plan or take the detour, I took the detour!
In hindsight, I'm very glad we did. We had a great time! I got to see the village of Walpi, which is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. We stopped at Second Mesa and had Hopi tacos, which were delicious. We went to the museum there, the bookstore, and the gift shop. We bought fun stuff. We drove through another fascinating village, Old Oraibi. Finally, after a several hour detour, I thought we were on our way again.
Not so much! We arrived at Navajo Bridge, near Lee's Ferry, and mom said, “Stop! We should let the girls buy some Navajo jewelry here!” So, three sets of necklaces and bracelets later, we were off again.
Pretty soon we were approaching Jacob Lake. “Stop!” mom says, “This is my favorite place on earth! We will stop here and get ice cream and hunt for a Kaibab squirrel!” So, we stopped at Jacob Lake, had an ice cream, and hunted for Kaibab squirrel (no luck finding one).
Not too long afterward, we were home safe in bed at mom's house. As I went to sleep, I couldn't help but be grateful that I have a mom who makes me take joy in the journey—and more importantly, joy in the detours. For detours will happen, and you can either take joy in them, or not.
Now, the detour on my road trip was a little thing. It added maybe a couple of hours to the trip. But in life, there are much larger detours that sometimes confront us—things that are beyond our control and are sometimes difficult. We may end up making a move we hadn't wanted or planned, but did it anyway because the spirit (and the boss) said it was the right thing. Sometimes the detour may be a serious illness, or a wayward child, or an unfulfilled dream. There are many things out there that will intervene in the best-laid plans.
So what is the lesson to learn in these detours?
To me, it is this:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge Him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5–6)
When we see the detour in a different way, in a “big picture” way, it is easier to muddle our way through. It doesn't mean it will always be easy, but it will be possible. And we might even learn something along the way.
As I have read histories of those who crossed the plains under such difficult conditions, I am amazed to read at times about the fun they had! Some things they were downright light-hearted about! They danced, sang and romanced along the way. Many obstacles were in their way, and yet they found a way to find some joy in those difficult times. And perhaps most amazing is that most of them write that they were grateful for the experience, for it refined and enriched them.
Now, for a more personal confession: As a mother of young children, I am sometimes looking so much at “the plan” that I forget to enjoy the journey. When I picture myself as a mother, I picture older children—deep talks with my teenagers, university commencements, meeting the boyfriend, temple marriage —that sort of thing. I don't necessarily see the mud puddles, the using every sheet of paper in the house for a craft project, the giggling all night when I want them to sleep. And yet, these are kids who are taking joy in their journey, and I have a lot I can learn from that.
And so it is my goal to look for the joy in the journey—and even in the detours in life.
Alison Moore Smith is a 61-year-old entrepreneur who graduated from BYU in 1987. She has been (very happily) married to Samuel M. Smith for 40 years. They are parents of six incredible children and grandparents to two astounding grandsons. She is the author of The 7 Success Habits of Homeschoolers.
Angie, I want you to know that your post touched me so much and was just exactly what I needed to hear today (more than you know.) I love you for your insight and wisdom. Thank you.
Great post, Angie!!! (Now I know what your name is!!! 🙂
Your post sure rings true with me. So often we have these great plans for our lives, we know what we want, know what we need to do to get there, then something throws us off of that track. Maybe because of a choice we made, or maybe it was something that we had no control over. Depending where the detour will take us, sometimes, its important to get back on the original track– but sometimes the detour just leads us on a parrallel path that will still get us to a good place, sometimes even the place where Heavenly Father would have us be.
Lovely. Thanks!
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.”
Very true, Ray. I like that song.
Thanks everyone for your comments on my first article.
Angie, you are a gem. This is just beautiful. And important. And needed.
If I’d been drinking cocoa, I would have spit it all over my screen. This is SO me. No wonder I like you so much. You are a kindred spirit.
:bigsmile: Alison
Angie, You have a way with words and your insight is profound. I needed to be reminded of the lessons to be learned and enjoyed from life’s inevitable detours. Thanks. I am so excited to have you posting every month! I have always loved your comments.
I’m writing my article for this month and we are on the same wavelength. Same phrasology (joy of the journey); different methodology.
Thanks Michelle for your kind words. I really look forward to reading your take on the topic. There was a lot more I wanted to say, but took a bunch out because I wanted it to be short…it’s a topic that could be covered in much more depth. I look forward to hearing more. And thanks for your comments on my blog too 🙂 I appreciate it, and I check out your blog occasionally too but not one to comment much!
Does Caleb coloring all the white keys on the piano with black permanent marker count as a “detour”???
Oh my! Please tell me you don’t have a nice piano (I KNOW you do, though!). Being a piano person, this really does make me sad. Definite, definite detour. Yikes!
Well, we just bought it two years ago for a few hunk of thousands of dollars. Does that qualify as nice?
Use a magic eraser Alison– I’m pretty darn positive it will work. I got black permanent marker off a wood table that does NOT have a smooth finish, so you’d think it would be especially hard to get off– but that magic eraser worked like… magic!!
Magic erasers are the best invention ever! Try it, it might work. Another thing that has worked for me sometimes, but you’d have to be super careful – is alcohol swabs. Alcohol did take permanent black out of my dining room table. Let us know how it goes. Darn detours.
Unfortunately, the magic eraser didn’t really work. Of course, I used up two of them trying, so maybe I just need more. It just lightened it. 😥
Which reminded me of another detour. My last piano was one my parents gave me when I married. My mother got it from her parents when she married.
Remember in the olden days when piano keys were made of real ivory? When Alana was a toddler she BIT the ends off all the ivory keys. She only confessed years later. She said that whenever she got in trouble for something, she went in and bit off a key.
OK, so my family has serious issues…
Nail polish remover might work, if acetone free? If you use one with acetone, it might take off paint of keys.
Alison, MAJOR detour! I hope you are able to get the marker completely off your piano!
Thanks for the great post! It’s always nice to be reminded of things like this. One of my favorite quotes is “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
This is so great!
Let me tell you just by profession I am a planner. I am OCD when it comes to planning events, weddings, parties, etc…but not just for clients. Anyways this kinda trasfers to my home life. I have my areas where I slack off, but I am truly a calendar-ized, white board using, crazy mom. Its what keeps me sane! I love it when my hubby asks “hey do we have anything tomorrow?” My response is typically, “just check the calendar hun.” What is necessary is making sure HE adds his stuff TO the calendar! Yikes!
Ok so back to the topic. I find it interesting because on of the things I am OVERLY flexible and relaxed about it traveling. I LOVE taking road trips. I know this sounds crazy, but I always give myself 24 extra hours and $100 extra dollars. When we travel we like to be able to stop and see the sights we haven’t seen and this happens often. Back in 2006 we drove from South East Colorado to Chico. Through Utah & Nevada we made so many detours off the “planned” route that I’m sure it would have driven you crazy, but to me and my hubby this is what kept us sane. Traveling together with our girls is rare and we take every moment to enjoy the 1700 miles each direction. Despite the youngest not being 2 at that point and starting an animal cracker fight with her sister. Its great! Later that summer I had to drive from SE Colo to Santa Cruz for another wedding….this time just me and the girls. My hubby got to fly! Being the only one driving I made sure we stuck to a slightly more strict schedule, but we still had fun. The different route gave us several new places to stop and venture out of the car and discover new things…..like driving over the crazy canyons leading up to the Hoover Dam in the dark. But even though we reached the Dam at 10pm or so we still got out and took pictures!
I love traveling and the detours along the way are sometimes the best part. Now in life I will admit that personal detours are still kickin me in the hiney and I need to accept they happen more often…like being on bed rest. Speaking of, I gotta go lay down!
mandyp, I know a Mandy P and you probably aren’t the same one, but I’m curious all the same… especially because that quote sounds like it would come from the Mandy I know! Where are you located? I am in Ohio.
Delmar, I am a calendar addict too! I have to be, with all of us and our various activities and responsibilities.
Delmar, we are kind of similar in the travelling thing, but in a different way. I love to see everything I can, usually. It’s just that I have to PLAN it into the trip, sometimes. It does kind of depend on where we are going and timing and all that – but overall I am one who loves to see every thing I can along the way, but I’ll just plan that into the itinerary. I guess my personality is more to research everything I want to do along the route before I go, whereas you sound more like my mom – just get on the (general) right road and stop and see things if and when you feel like it. I like your way – I just have a hard time giving up my control, I guess.
Angie, beautiful post. I struggle with the same thing. I keep thinking, “If I can just get these little boys out of this little boy stage, it will get easier”. I don’t know if it will. 🙂 But, I do know that I need to take off my blinders that keep me on my path and pay more attention to them.
Also, I had a similar discussion with my mom over this question in a personality test: “Are you in control of your life?” She read it outloud and said, “Of course not!”. I said, “Of course I am!”. I think the difference is that I am a planner. I make a plan and am okay with taking detours, as long as I make a new plan! She hates to plan because she hates the detours. She would rather just go with the flow. It was interesting to see that my own mom views life so differently from me.
Tink, it does get easier when the kids get out of the little kid stage – in a way. In other ways, it gets harder. You just exchange one set of worries and problems for another set! Try to enjoy it while you can; they grow up WAY too quickly. People always say that – but it is the most accurate statement on parenting I’ve ever heard. I like your idea of taking off the blinders and paying attention to them now.
There are a lot of detours in parenting!
[Like this one: I had a great comment all typed up, my now-6 yr old wanted to add a vanillacon, and accidentally deleted the entire thing. I tried to recreate it, but it’s not the ‘masterpiece’ it once was! *sigh* … Well, at least the gist of what I meant is there. – Wow, what a minor detour, even if it is frustrating to me in the moment!]
:surfing: :rasta: :pirate: :clap: :crazy: :grouphug: :crush: :devil: :shamed: :shocked: 😥 :updown: :hungry: :fingersear: :fierce:
laura
I let my daughter do her own vanillacon comment so she couldn’t do any damage to anything else. 🙂
Back again with another thought…
Tink, I was thinking about your personality test question: “Are you in control of your life?” In the past I would have answered ‘yes.’ Now I’d answer a ‘qualified no.’ There are too many situations in my life over the past 4+ years that I have no control over – major things like being laid off and the agency of people that has a ripple effect on others. However, I qualify that ‘no’ because I CAN control how I react to those situations. I can do my best to plan for the unexpected. I can learn to roll with the punches of life better than I used to. I can search for the silver linings. I can recognize the blessings even in the midst of challenges. I can realize that there are detours in the journey of life, and the key is learning to find joy in the journey. That has been really important to me lately – which is why Angie’s post was really pertinent and helpful for me.
Michelle, that’s interesting because my mom is also a little “older” than me (obviously – and please don’t be offended at me pointing out age differences). She just finished raising her kids in the home (my youngest brother just graduated HS). She’s had to roll with a lot of punches. So far, my life has turned out pretty much as planned (although four boys was definitely NOT my plan, and this whole parenting thing is a LOT harder than I thought it was going to be). But, in general, this is what I planned. Perhaps I don’t have enough “experiences” yet to answer no?
I am interested to hear what everyone else would answer to this question: Are you in control of your life? Does it change over time?
My two cents:
If you are in control of your life, you are missing much of what the Lord would like to help you experience. Whether it is through a calling (you or your spouse) or an unexpected stressful event or something else, He will help you grow in more ways than you can imagine – if you are willing to give up control of your life.
Now I know there are different degrees of control and different areas of control – and that being in control of what you can and should control is a great thing, but some of my greatest growth has come from things that were not within my control.
That’s a good point, Ray. I had forgotten that I learned that when my husband took 1.5 years longer to graduate (with PhD) than we planned. We were humbled enough to ask what the Lord’s will was for us.
I think the problem with my mom is that she doesn’t plan AT ALL. She figures that her plans will be ruined, so why even bother? I think you need a plan but need to be flexible to change and open to promptings.
Tink, most of the time I do NOT Feel in control and I am constantly reminded of how little control I have! One of my goals is always to be more prepared so I am not just reacting willy nilly to everything that happens! That being said, I love what Michelle said:
I get very frustrated when I DO make the effort to really plan, that the plans so often get changed at the last minute, but then again, I’m not a planner by nature and those of you who are have my sympathy! :wink::wink: [disclaimer: for those of you who are not fluent in vanillacon, those winking smileys mean I am saying that tongue in cheek and I am not at all serious, just jealous :wink:]
Michelle- I am that same Mandy P, located in Idaho. I followed the link from your blog and really enjoy this site.
As far as the question of whether I am in control of my life…
I am trying to remember what aspects of life should NOT be in my control. I have a habit of telling the Lord what I want instead of asking and accepting his will. I have learned through many trials and tears, that he really does know what he is doing.
In relation to the parts of my life that are in my control, I do my best. There are areas that I could improve in, but overall I believe I have a pretty good grasp on my life. Part of the fun of life is being able to take what you are given and make it work for you.
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
Hey Mandy! Imagine seeing you here. I’m glad you followed the link from my blog and are not only reading here but also commenting!
Mandy, you are learning this life lesson far earlier than I have. I still am learning it, as these things are a process.
Jennycherie, it’s the last minute change in plans that throw me off. Depending on the situation, I can be very flexible. But give me another situation and if it doesn’t go exactly my way I am floundering!
Ray, you make an interesting point about being willing to learn what the Lord wants you to learn. It takes me a while to reconcile the difference between controlling what I can and *should* and allowing HF to “control” the rest. Hmm… how often do we talk about this?!
I think someone already said this, but here’s how I feel: No, I am not totally in charge of my life. But I am in charge of my own actions, and my attitude about what life throws at me.
Good point Marathonermom!!! As I was reading and pondering this topic and kept saying I am not in control. But there are some things I can!!!M-Mom you helped me to understand what I am in control of!!!!