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While pondering the concept of spiritual poverty earlier this year, something struck me that I hadn't considered previously quite in that way. I have believed the central principle for some time, but considering how salvation (being saved from something) applies to this life is something I have not put into words previously. Here is what struck me:
Those who crucified Jesus did so because they could not accept Him as the one who had paid (Jehovah) and would pay (Jesus) for their sins. They said, in essence, “We don't need you. We are children of Abraham. We are fine. We'll do it on our own.“
We decry deathbed repentance, particularly for those who consciously choose to procrastinate repentance until the end—to do what they want to do until they are facing death and the possibility of judgment. At the same time, too many members view grace, faith and works as follows:
“I must do everything I possibly can do; I must give my all; I must wear out myself trying to do what He has asked me to do—THEN He will accept my effort and help me do more.”
That might not be the exact same mentality as “deathbed” repentance, but it is at least “hospital bed” repentance. In very real terms, it is saying, “I will let you know when I need you,” which really is the same mentality as the one who procrastinates the request for help until his deathbed. It also means that I will not receive the help He can give as I struggle—which means I will not experience His freedom and joy until my frustration nearly (or completely) breaks me. Yes, I will then be blessed, but I will have missed so much in the meantime.
Hillary Weeks has a song entitled “Unwritten.” The central message is, in my own words:
“As I review the pages of the book of my life, I am grateful for what I read (what I have experienced), but I am most grateful for what has remained unwritten—those things from which the grace of God has shielded me—those things I have not had to experience—those things from which I have been saved in this life.”
Jesus, as the Christ, saved us from the effects of our actions in the next life, but Jesus, as the exemplary man, showed us a way to be saved from much of the effect of our fallen existence in this life. In a very real way, not accepting what He paid so dearly to provide until we have exhausted ourselves is no different than not accepting that His offer was ever made in the first place, since they both tell Him to get lost until we get a handle on it on our own.
That's worth pondering all by itself.
Ray, good post. I have been catching up on your posts and think you are a great new addition (you are new, right?) to Mormon Mom. I want to read more.
Very thought-provoking.
I’ve often thought about all the things that I don’t realize that I need to be thankful for BECAUSE I never got a glimpse of them. The near-misses, we get. The far away ones, we probably take for granted.
Thanks for the thoughts for me tonight.
I especially loved this, Ray:
As I review the pages of the book of my life, I am grateful for what I read (what I have experienced), but I am most grateful for what has remained unwritten – those things from which the grace of God has shielded me – those things I have not had to experience – those things from which I have been saved in this life. ?
Jesus, as the Christ, saved us from the effects of our actions in the next life, but Jesus, as the exemplary man, showed us a way to be saved from much of the effect of our fallen existence in this life.”
No truer words could be spoken. I wonder if hindsight as we pass through the veil will give us the whole picture of how many times He saved us from our own worst selves in this life.
Could it be possible, though that there is at least a third category of people? There’s the group that does everything on their own and will never accept His help. There is the group that does everything on their own and who will accept His help only after all they can do. But then there is a group I belong to. I did everything on my own, made some really stupid mistakes, learned I couldn’t do without His beautiful Atonement, and finally BEGGED for His help. I came to know how much I needed Him, and He was there. With His sweet, conditional forgiveness came my recognition that I would NEVER be able to repay what He had done for me, but also a deep desire to TRY. In fact, I was told the total forgiveness of my sins hinges on my diligence in keeping His commandments until the day of my death. My forgiveness is still pending, depending on what I choose to do.
That provides constant awareness of my need to wear myself out in His service, in gratitude if for no other reason. I love what President Hinckley said: to “pray as though everything depended on the Lord, and to act as though everything depended on you.” Everything I can do for Him is one more way to say, “I’m grateful to Thee. I love Thee. I will serve Thee in return, although I recognize that my offering, even when it is the best I can do, is a mere pittance.” It doesn’t pay Him back, but it shows Him that I wish I could. He knows I know my lack. I know He knows my desire.
Great post, Ray.
I’m confidant that there are many miracles in our lives that we’re simply unaware of.
Hillary’s song is a lovely, more poetic expression of the same message in Amy Grant’s “Angels” from back in the 80’s. I LOVED it. My favorite line from that song was
“Near misses all around me, accidents unknown
Though I never see with human eyes the hands that lead me home”
Thanks, everyone, for the comments.
I am struck regularly by how many members fail to focus on His life and realize that there are incredible lessons (particularly in the Gospels) about specific things we can do to become more like Him – things that can lessen the effects of our sins and actually help decrease the frequency of those sins. I believe we sometimes buy into the apostate obsession with the afterlife – as though it’s ok to be miserable here, since we’ll be happy there. The problem is that we are told that the same spirit we develop here will rise with us there. That’s worth pondering.
(I need to point out that depression and issues relative to similar physiological difficulties that suppress our joy and impede our growth in this life are exempted from that last statement. I hope NOBODY takes what I have said above as a reason to feel guilty over their struggles to conquer those types of difficulties. I realize completely that there are some things for some people for which enduring to the end is the only course. That’s why medical help should NEVER be stigmatized in any way for depression or other similar challenges.)
With Michelle’s permission, hugs to you, Ray. (You know, the sort an OLDER sister would give a YOUNGER brother.) I do appreciate your kindness and understanding.
I loved Carol Lynn Pearson’s poem that wonders why everyone is happy in heaven. Then she recognizes the reason: “only to the happy do they open the door!” And certainly that is true only for those who have a full and complete opportunity to choose.
The whole doctrine of accountability is one of the most beautiful in Mormonism, imo. It is SO much more expansive than most people realize.
We understand the concept as it relates to the “extremes” (children and the mentally handicapped on one end;fully accountable adults on the other end), but we often overlook it when dealing with the “emotionally handicapped” and the “abused” and any others whose thoughts and actions are influenced by things they didn’t choose – things often outside their full control. We are learning more and more about how to treat these things, but I believe there are still so many manifestations of these types of issues that we haven’t even identified completely that “Judge not” becomes an even more vital command.
I am convinced to the core of my soul, that may people who struggle mightily with feelings of guilt and despair do so largely because they are wired to do so – that they simply can’t help it. I believe strongly that those people are not “accountable” for their actions during those times of guilt and despair in quite the same way as others are without those episodes. I’m not saying that they are completely free from the responsibility to understand their condition and try to “repent” (meaning simply “change”), but I am saying that “repentance” in these cases often is more about learning coping mechanisms or taking medication than it is about the classic “exercise of will” often associated with repentance.
If we understood more fully that “repentance” is a positive thing – a process that includes almost anything that helps us become “righteous” (right / in harmony with God), I believe we could begin to tackle the “natural” guilt associated with depression and other issues in a much more productive and ennobling manner than we tend to do currently.
Gasp! Davidson, I’m shocked! … Okay, so I’m not. Until I was 16 and met a very huggy type of friend, I was not much of a hugger. Now I love to give hugs. It is such a wonderful way of showing support, compassion, friendship, and appreciation. Of course, I am also aware that not everyone is the hugging type! Avoiding awkward or uncomfortable situations is a good thing. Thanks for the virtual hug for Ray, Davidson! And the OLDER sister – YOUNGER brother comment made me laugh!
Ray, as always, this is wonderful! You make me think, and then consider how to apply concepts in my life. You’re amazing! :heartsabove: :whorship: :whorship:
Hugs for you, too, Michelle! Oh, I can’t help myself. We have this loud, loving Italian family. It’s in my blood. Whenever I walk into a room, the relatives say, “Serena!!!!” , and they all gather around to hug me. What a wonderful feeling it is, to have your name said with exclamation points! They do that with EVERYBODY who passes through. “What’s-your-name! We’re so glad to see you!” (Bear hug.)
Everybody’s loved. Everybody’s welcomed. They call everybody “honey” or “bella” (“beautiful girl” in Italian), and they say what they think, and they expect you to say what you think, and there’s no misunderstanding. My mother’s side of the family isn’t like that–not demonstrative at all–and I grew up thinking my dad’s family loved me and my mom’s family didn’t, which is unfortunate. I learned later it was just a difference in style, not a difference in feeling.
I grew up feeling that I wanted to be like the Italian women on my dad’s side of the family. I love people and I wanted them to feel that I loved them, right from the beginning. It has taken me years to realize that not everyone appreciates that kind of openness; in fact, for some it is awkward and even painful. My son-in-law finally suggested, “I know you love me, but I’m not very comfortable with the hello and goodbye hugs.”
I’ll tell you what, THAT’S what’s awkward. Everybody is hugging everybody, and he stands there doing nothing. My kids don’t know what to do with him. They hug down the row, and then they come to him, and they look at me like, “What shall I do now?” It is awkward every time. But that’s what he wants, so we’ll leave it at that. Thanks for reminding me, Michelle–not all flavors are vanilla. Lots of different ways to relate to people!
Yeah, I’m chocolate! Hug-loving chocolate. Ray’s the vanilla in our family.
Serena, have you asked your son-in-law what he would be comfortable with? He doesn’t want the hugs and that’s fine. A handshake, a kind word, not standing in the “family line” to be hugged? What WOULD make him more comfortable? I assume you have talked to him about what you just shared with us about the differences in your dad’s Italian background and your mom’s background, and why your family is the way it is… Personally, I would try to find something that would make that situation less awkward for him and for your family.
But then, I’m all for simplicity and easiness any way I can get it!! 😉
Hmmm. I do appreciate your suggestions, Michelle. It’s a pretty touchy situation. I’ve known this young man who is my son-in-law for five years now. He and my daughter met in a class while they were still in high school. He was dealing with his parents’ nasty divorce, he had some problems, and his overwhelmed mother sent him here to live with an aunt. His parents had been marrried in the temple, and after their divorce, he had some pretty bitter feelings about the Church. I think I reperesent “the Church” to him. We’ve always welcomed our kids’ friends in, fed them, talked with them, joked and laughed with them. Most of them love it. For five years, I’ve tried to be kind and welcoming and interested in him–because I truly feel that way toward him–but that isn’t what he wants from me. He is the one who introduced my daughter to Buddhism. He’s very athletic and intelligent, and I think we represent a “lower class” to him. At 23 years old, he is already teaching college courses. He told my daughter that he can never think of anything to say to us, because we don’t know anything about the things he’s interested in. My daughter credits him with “helping her see the truth about that stupid (LDS) religion.” He tolerates us because my daughter wholeheartedly loves her family, but we’re not exactly his choice of stimulating company. (He’s an aeronautical engineer.) He is polite to us, but that is about it, and if my daughter wants to spend time with us, he finds something else to do. He’s an excellent father and a good husband. He and my daughter tell others that we keep “trying to drag them back into the Church.” Nothing could be further from the truth. We pray sincerely for them and hope every day that their hearts will change, but other than inviting them to Church for special days in our family, or asking them if they’d like to join us in a blessing on the food or possibly family prayer, if they happen to be in our home when it is time to do that, we rarely mention the Church, mainly because we don’t want to make them feel even more awkward or uncomfortable. They always say no, they don’t want to join us, and we tell them that’s okay. THEY have decided that we’re out to get them. THEY have decided that we don’t like him. The last thing on earth he’d like to do is have a nice, cozy chat with us. After making the effort to communicate with him before, I learned that he really hates “discussions.”
Well, he can’t help “being in the line to be hugged”, if he enters our house at all. We have a tiny living room and a tiny kitchen. There is a space in the center of the living room about 2 yards wide and 4 yards long. That’s the biggest bare spot in the house. (It’s okay; I like my little red brick house! No wolves outside. No wolves inside. :smile:) If you come in the door, you are in that space, and that is where the hugging happens, with almost every hello and goodbye. That’s just the way we are. I guess he could stay outside if he wanted to, but he always comes in and stands just inside the door, aloof from the rest. It hurts my kids. They love their sister, and they love him, and they don’t understand the coldness. He likes to play board games with them and talk to them; he just doesn’t want to be hugged or talk about the Church. We patiently wait for him to work things out. And like he said, he knows that we love him. He just isn’t ready to love us back. Life has dealt him some awfully tough blows, and he is still angry about it. We will keep loving him and giving him his space until he wants it otherwise.
Sigh.
Hugs davidson, you are doing the best job possible. just keep loving him and someday when you least expect it, it will reveal itself to him, and you may have a big ball of emotions on your doorstep.
I echo Kiar’s sentiments. Hang in there, Davidson!
Thank you both.