The Circle asked our readers:
What do you say to your child when:
- They are left out or not invited to that birthday party/school dance, etc.?
- They are being consistently bullied by another child?
- They are mocked because of a physical or learning difference?
- They are disliked simply because of their Church membership?
- They have prayed with all their heart and feel as if they have not received an answer?
Karolyn writes:
What do you say to your children when they are left out or not invited to that birthday party/school dance etc.?
This actually happened to my oldest daughter. She was asked out for dates by several young men when she was a freshman and sophomore but since she was not 16 until her junior year, she was not allowed to date until then.
She was the oldest and I was the mom of two younger boys and a much younger daughter. I had no way to realize how much courage it took for those boys to ask anyone out and the fear of rejection teen boys have. But it seemed in our very small school the word got around that she would turn a date down flat. So she just was not asked again. She was cute, very petite and outgoing, friends to everyone and if anyone needed something done, they asked her. So she worked hard on the junior/senior prom two years in a row and was not asked either year. I sat up with her in her senior year as she did those dry sobs that come in your sleep after hours of dedicated crying! My heart broke for her.
The only thing I could say was that she had done the right thing and Heavenly Father loved her even more so for her love of others which had shown because of her selfless service. I know it did not make it any easier for her then. Perhaps it still hurts her now to think of it.
I really did not know what else to say.
Alison says:
When we lived in Florida, a girl in Jessica's primary class made a point of describing, in morbid detail, every fabulously exciting event that would take place at her upcoming 11th birthday party. After nearly 20 minutes of exacting description, she concluded by turning to her and saying, “But you're not invited.”
Once boys became unacceptable playmates (you know, when the opposite sex suddenly comes down with a vile case of “cooties”), Belinda went years without being invited to a party.
When we moved to Orem a new friend promised Alana that she would invite her to her incredible sleep-over party, then didn't. The next week at church everyone was talking happily about what great fun they all had.
Last Sunday at our ward in Eagle Mountain, a girl in Alana's class went on and on about the birthday party Alana hadn't been invited to.
So far Monica (5) and Samson (2) have been spared the Birthday Party Horror Story.
What to do? How do I know? I just try to help my children understand that sometimes children are forgetful, sometimes their parents make the list or limit the number of guests, sometimes the child doesn't communicate with the parent, sometimes children are just plain thoughtless and mean. Life isn't fair. We try to forgive and forget. And we try to use experiences that are hurtful to us to make sure we don't cause someone else the same pain.
On the other hand, when my children have any kind of outing or play date, for example, they make sure not to talk about the event in front of those who may not have been invited. If most of the kids in a class or group are on the guest list all of them are. And we will never pass out invitations in a place where there is anyone who will not be invited. While often we will invite one or two friends on a particular family outing, we never have a party that includes all but one or two members of a group even if that means including someone who isn't terribly nice!
We try to get our children to think through different scenarios and figure out how they would feel. I don't know if these methods have been successful, but I haven't heard reports of my children hurting other's feelings and if I did, we would address the situation directly to the person involved.
Karolyn writes:
What do you say to your child when he/she is mocked because of a physical or learning difference?
We are waiting for this to come full-blown to our young granddaughter who is 5, starting kindergarten this week, and is a dwarf. It has happened to some degree already but school children can be so mean and cruel.
For the most part this is my daughter and son-in-law's domain, but I have had her with me when people stare and laugh and/or run to get someone else to show off the “midget” (that word, by the way, is viewed as completely inappropriate by Little People.) So far she mostly seems oblivious to it all but she has a good image of her own worth. She asked her mom one day why some people were staring at her. My daughter started to answer something and she interrupted to say, “Oh I know, It is because I am so cute!”
Kathy says:
This is not an answer in any sense. Just sort of an observation. I have worked with two beautiful, bright young women who are amputees due to bone cancer. One has a prosthesis and is far more functional and mobile than most people I know with two strong legs. The other prefers to use crutches and just pins up the leg of her slacks. She, too, is a bright star in her corporate constellation. A trainer and quality coach in my current position has malformed, underdeveloped hands and arms with virtually no muscle tone. He does everything for himself, including driving, typing, writing and managing the latches, locks, switches, etc. that are all designed for strong, dexterous hands and arms. These people are such consistent contributors and such fun, I can tell you with absolutely no exaggeration that I don't see anything unusual when I look at them now. The only “difference” is they are a lot smarter and cooler than many of their peers, and sought after as friends and colleagues. This is easy to say and I hope I don't sound glib. I'm sure nobody will ever guess the amount of courage it may have taken for these young people to survive whatever cruelty and inconvenience may have been inflicted upon them as kids. But it might be helpful for kids who are chosen for that specific mortal trial to meet people like my friends and recognize that there is nothing too strange, in the nature of things, that makes all people unique. One of my favorite moms in our ward says everyone has a handicap. I think that is the point. I believe this is literally true, and an important part of the “opposition in all things” truism.
Maren says:
What do you say to your child when:
They are left out or not invited to that birthday party/school dance etc.?
The answer to this one depends upon which child this happened to; My oldest child could have been reasoned with; “Perhaps they bought tickets to something, and could only take their very best friends. Are you his best friend? Then did you really want to go?”
My second child could not have handled this if it was a good friend. She would probably have called the parent of the child herself, and asked why she had been left out. If the answer was a good one, “My daughter says you act bossy at parties,” she could then take it, and understand it. If, however, there was no reason, simply an oversight (or only eight invitations in a pack, and our initial is just before “Z”) she would ask if it would be all right with the birthday girl and her parents for her to attend. I would support her in this, because it includes an honest exchange.
What I hate is parents who try to gloss over things, “Oh, that party wouldn't have been fun anyway,” (or worse, “That mean Tommy Joe will be there, and you don't want to be in the same room with him, do you? (thus teaching your child that he or she is better than someone else a great start for teaching prejudice to an impressionable child)) or try to make up for it, “Daddy and I will take you out to MacDonald's, okay, Sugarplum?”
The important thing: Why was your child left out? Is he/she a brat? Are they being left out of more and more activities? Why? It may be time to take an honest look at your own kids. They may need medical, psychiatric, or behavioral help.
They are being consistently bullied by another child?
This is a very serious problem where I live (98.8 % LDS, only 2% non-white). Tell a “good” parent their child is misbehaving, and you may be astounded at the result. I've heard parents lie for their children. One man told me, “It couldn't have been Cody who put the bag of dog poo on your front porch and set it on fire ten minutes ago. He is sitting here with me right now, where he has been all day, and his wrist is broken.” That is an actual quote (except the name) and I saw the kid with my own eyes! That was two years ago. Now “Cody” is spending six months in juvenile hall, because Daddy always covered for him.
When I hear of any child being bullied, I find out who, where, and when it usually happens, and I park my van nearby and wait. I videotape and record the sound of everything that happens. Kids will almost always admit things when caught, but parents can't seem to believe their little darlings ever do anything wrong. A tape makes it impossible for them to deny what they see. Even then, parents sometimes try to downplay or cover a bullying kid. I can't tell you how often I've heard, “Oh, boys will be boys!” I tell them to look at Columbine High School, and ask them if they really want their “boys” to keep it up.
Kathy says:
This reader is a professional newswoman. And thinking back, there were a few times I might not have minded having a few reels of evidence to support my kid ?s stories when they were the plaintiffs and/or innocent defendants.
With three or four visits a week to the site, how have I managed to miss your Circle?
One of the topics you’ve been discussing struck me: bullying and teasing. My father was in the army, so we moved every three years. Every three years I was in a new neighborhood and a new school. One of my father’s stations was for a measly 9 months! But, I happened to have had a wonderful experience. Though, like every child, I was poked fun at every now and then, I was never the victim of other children’s continual taunting and teasing, and neither were any of my three brothers. But I did often witness it and noticed that one of three things happened when a “new kid” joined the class. He/she either became a target for bullying, the most popular kid in the class, or just blended in. It seemed to me that almost invariably, it was up to the kid. I’m sure that for the most part, it was a completely subconscious thing, influenced mostly by the child’s personality how extroverted or introverted they were, how they first responded to the other children, etc. I saw some children come into class for the first time, obviously feeling overwhelmed and nervous, head and shoulders slumped. But then there were the kids who came in full of energy and smiling. I remember distinctly, in Mrs. Yoh’s fifth grade class, when a kid named Joey came in, halfway through the year. Mrs. Yoh introduced him, he gave a large wave over head, smiled and said “Hey ya’ll !” and headed toward a seat Mrs. Yoh had pointed out to him. A boy in the class said something about Joey’s accent and kind of sneered when referring to him as the “new kid.” Joey just smiled and said, “Hey, I’m new, I’m improved, and I’m on sale, three for a dollar!” What in the world that meant, I had no idea, but I laughed and so did everyone else. And Joey was popular from that moment on.
Jennifer, a friend from high school was also an “army brat” who moved every three years, was covered in freckles and had frizzy red hair that was more orange than red. Unfortunately, that made her a natural target. But she told me that every time she was introduced into a new class, she immediately commented on her physical appearance herself, before any of the other kids did. She’d stand up, introduce herself and say, “I’m sure you’re all insanely jealous of my orange hair and freckles.” Then she’d start pulling her hair, and picking at her face and say “I’ve never been fond of them myself, but they’re stuck, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” She was well-liked too.
I did have the one experience where a boy threatened to beat me up after class. This was in the fourth grade. Francisco, a very large, very overweight boy in the class, who was a “blender” like me, overheard the boy threaten me and said, “Don’t worry, if he tries anything I’ll sit on him.” I imagine that he probably poked fun at himself like that often, and that’s likely what helped him to be liked and accepted, rather than make him the target of teasing and bullying that children who are overweight often become. I’m sure he really was self-conscious about his weight, and poking fun at himself was just a way for him to cope in social arenas. I’m not a psychologist, and I don’t know if a psychologist would say that they way Jennifer or Francisco poked fun at themselves was “healthy” or not. But it sure did seem to protect them from what would likely have been a lifetime of teasing and bullying with certain kids.
Every now and then I’d hear a comment about the rather large gap between my two front teeth. (Military dentists don’t give you braces for cosmetic reasons.) Strangely enough, I didn’t hear those kind of comments until high school. But I’d learned from other kids’ examples, how to handle it. So I’d say, “Yeah, this gap between my teeth is actually a musical instrument. If I stick out my teeth and hold them up to the wind at just the right angle, you can hear a lovely whistling noise similar to that of the panflute.” I’d actually heard that somewhere, but I can’t remember where. I think it may have been a comedian on TV.
I guess the key is, if our children aren’t naturally inclined to respond in the manner that Joey or Jennifer did, to find a way to teach our children to respond to bullying and teasing, in such a way that it squelches the teasing. I would assume that Jennifer did get teased about her hair and freckles at some point, and that the teasing was probably the catalyst that influenced her to start introducing herself the way she did. But it worked. It seems that the biggest indicator of how likely a child is to be a perpetual target, isn’t necessarily if they are new, if they have freckles, red hair, wear glasses, are overweight, have an accent or any other silly thing that kids decide is worthy of teasing but how the child responds to the comments.
I think the kids who tease and bully do it for power. They get off on seeing how they can control someone else. They can make them cry. They can make them afraid. They relish in the dominance. And when they see that a tease or a poke makes a child cower, they continue to tease and poke, and virtually feed on that child’s fear and pain. It’s really very sick and twisted if you think about it.
But if a child is able to demonstrate from the beginning that they aren’t threatened, that a negative comment will only bring back a joke and a smile, then the bully has lost his power, and sees that he can’t get the dominion he’s seeking for with that child. In Jennifer’s case, she essentially made a preemptive strike, by being the first to make a comment about her hair and freckles, which said, in a humorous way, “I recognize that I’m a likely target. But, I won’t be teased. You won’t make a victim out of me.”
I’m sitting here imagining comebacks to negative comments:
A large nose: “Yeah it’s big, so be careful around me. I can smell B.O. from a mile away.”
Short stature: “Yes, I’m short. But imagine the hundreds of dollars in loose change I’ve found under everyone else’s’ sofas.”
I haven’t had to deal with my children being bullied or teased yet. My husband and I are quite talkative, extroverted people, even in a room full of strangers. My children, having grown up in that kind of environment, seem to have “inherited” that from us. So far so good. I hope that when my kids have to confront teasing and bullying that they’ll have the skills to respond in a way that “thwarts the enemy” so to speak, in a socially acceptable way. I think that between that ability, and applying the scriptural teaching to ” ?pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you,” that for the most part, children can learn to overcome this inevitable part of childhood.
Tracy, in my opinion your insights are right on. It was my experience that trying to ignore or avoid bullies was a nearly useless approach. It’s nearly impossible to avoid people with whom you have a forced association at school or church, and the more you avoid, the more they tend to seek you out. Like you said, the very mannerisms that many children use to avoid being noticed by the bullies can be the very mannerisms that shout, “I’m a victim! Pick on me!”
Unfortunately, we do need to teach our children other ways to protect themselves from those who, as you so eloquently said, “feed on [a] child’s pain and fear.”
We also need to do all we can to ensure that our own children are not inflicting that kind of torment on others.
Tracy, what a great story!! I hope every mom of “new kids” this fall will print it out and read it in Family Home Evening. We are tickled that you have wandered into the Circle, and hope you will pop in again whenever you have a second.
Kristen from Bellevue, Washington, writes:
I was also bullied, and was counseled by my mother to “turn the other cheek,” and it really doesn’t work. There were times when I stood up for myself, and would ask them why they were saying/doing what they did. The response was general defensiveness (they thought it was funny well it isn’t!) and I was left alone after that. (And in the Book of Mormon it does say we don’t have to submit ourselves to our enemies. And bullying is very destructive.)
One article I read gave advice to find what the bully was afraid of (and they are all afraid of something) and use it. The boy then challenged the bully to ride the scariest roller coaster, in front of other students, on the class field trip. He was never bothered again. Another challenged the bully to a fight on the roof of the gym, in a loud voice, that others could hear, and was also never bothered again. Each bully is motivated by something different, and the suggestion to seek Heavenly Father’s guidance is very good.
Another suggestion I’ve heard for those with disabilities is to do a “show and tell.” Generally the kids don’t know much about why people are different (or appropriate ways to express curiousity), but educating them can help everyone. It also teaches them that people may be different on the outside, but inside we all have the same needs and fears, etc.
They have prayed with all their heart and feel as if they have not received an answer?
We will pray with them if they like; or take them to the temple grounds or visitor’s center, read scriptures with them about how to know when they have received an answer, and if it is truly from God. This has happened once or twice, and the bottom line is always not that they haven’t got an answer, but that they haven’t got an answer yet. It always comes, but in His good time. They learn to wait on the Lord. We also discuss what a “no” answer feels like, and how to accept that answer when they may want so badly to receive a “yes.”
Kristen, thanks for your most helpful insights! I love the idea of asking the bully why he is doing the bullying. It leaves the bully without many possible comebacks.
Years ago, my four-year-old daughter needed to get glasses for inheriting my lazy eye. (Sorry, Jess!) While eyeglasses aren’t a disability in the usual sense, I know well from experience that they can lead to monumental teasing.
At the time, my daughter was involved in Joy School and I was unsure how her perfectly visioned peers would respond. So, the next day, we used Jessica’s new face accessories for show and tell.
Me: Do any of you know someone who wears glasses?
Katya: No.
Lane: My sister, my mom, my dad, my grandpa, my ?
Ian: My sister wears glasses!
Me: Ian, you don’t have a sister.
Ian: Well ?my aunt then ?
Me: That’s right! Lot’s of people where glasses to help their eyes to work better.
Jessica then produced her glasses from the case and put them on.
After a few oos and ahs, Ian could not stand it anymore. He stood up and put his hands on his hips.
Ian: I’m going to get my own glasses very soon!
Apparently glasses had become haute couture in preschool. (And, actually, within about two years, Ian did have glasses!)
Similar to what Kristen shared, I later came up with a response to taunting that tends to leave the bully stumped. No matter what rude comment is made, I have found it never helps to try to defend yourself.
“You’re so stupid!”
“No, I’m not!
“Yes you are.”
“I got 100% on my spelling test!”
“The words were stupid and you cheated.”
“No, I didn’t!”
“Yes you did.”
Instead of being dragged into this endless idiocy, the victim of the bullying can respond stronlgy, but neutrally even positively.
“You’re a fat, stupid pig!”
“So.”
“Well…you…yes you are…er…what…”
Also makes for pretty good entertainment on a slow day
Ragena writes:
Such a horrible experience for anyone to have to endure. I noticed that we have referred to bullies at school and at church, but bullying also takes place in the home. I know; I was bullied by an older sister from the day I was born until a short time ago when I decided I had done all I could do to stop the abuse and informed her that while she would always be my sister and that I would always love her, I could no longer call her a friend, nor associate with her in a close, friendly way. I also told her I was willing to work it out, if she would try to acknowledge that her behavior was wrong. I was told that she was free to say whatever she pleased, whenever she pleased, and if there was a problem it was mine, not hers. I don’t know what will come of this in the future, if anything. I would ask all parents to please be aware of such behavior in your home and not to simply dismiss it by saying to the child being bullied that they are just bringing it on themselves and to behave differently (without bothering to provide specifics) and the bullying will stop.
I tried ignoring her, not letting it get to me, being her best friend I even tried to return tit for tat. All to no avail. Her bullying contained a great deal of controlling, dominating behavior, as well. Once she reached adolescence, she was no longer physically abusive (i.e. punching, pushing, shoving) but the verbal abuse became even more cutting and hurtful.
One thing I did learn about bullies at school, anyway, is that numbers count. Bullies are often accompanied by “friends” who support them. They are less likely to resort to bullying if you have friends who will support you. While I didn’t personally experience much bullying at school (home more than made up for that) I did have several experiences where the presence or appearance of my friends put a stop to a developing situation. Make sure your child has a friend or two he can always be with who really are his friends. They don’t even have to be big, just supportive. The more the merrier.
I also like the idea of showing love for hate. Often it works, but not always. Standing up for yourself will often help; be assertive, not aggressive. Avoid violence if at all possible, but if blood starts flowing (from the nose or elsewhere), its time for a child to be able to defend himself. There really is not a single, pat solution for all situations. Most importantly, never leave God out of the situation. Too often we think we have to depend on the arm of man (like our own?) when we do not. Love to you, and God bless you all.
Dear Ragena:
I find it so sad when home, which should be a safe place for children, becomes a verbal or physical mine field. It would be interesting to see where your sister’s abuse and control began. Was she jealous? Did she feel threatened by your birth? What was your parents ? response to this harassment? Has she acknowledged her unacceptable behavior or is she as caustic now as she was as a child?
It sounds like you have detached with love and learned to set healthy boundaries. I’m just sorry that the bully had to be a member of your own family.
P.S. There is certainly something to the saying: Safety in numbers.
Thanks for pointing that out!
While I agree completely with making the home a safe haven, what is the solution? How do you get children who are contantly battling to be loving or at least decent? How do you get the in-home bully to stop the behavior?
I’ve seen parents pull their collective hair out trying to get kids to get along and stop being hurtful and hateful to each other. But I haven’t often seen a great solution.
Oris from Oceanside writes:
When my oldest son, Mark, was in junior high school, a group of boys would gang up on him and trip him and knock his books into the mud, etc. Mark was big and broad and very strong. He would not do anything because of the no fighting rule on the school grounds. I did not know of this situation.
One day the principal called me at work and said if Mark should get into a fight on school grounds, he would not be punished. As I did not know what was going on, the principal explained the situation to me. That evening I told Mark what the principal had said. Mark told me he would not fight on school grounds, as it was against the rules, so I left the decision up to him. The next day he stood up in the cafeteria and stated in a very loud voice that he would not fight on the school grounds, but if anyone wanted to fight he would meet them at the park at 10:00 the next Saturday. When Mark told me what he had done I was much concerned and wanted to go with him, just in case these boys brought older brothers, etc. He said no, however, I convinced him to take his brother with him, just in case something happened. The boys not only did not show up at the park, but ceased to pick on him. I think they were convinced at the start that Mark, being big and gentle, was not capable of defending himself, and therefore an easy target.
Oris and I are showing our age. The cafeteria bangers might have brought their gang brothers ? with their trunks full of assault rifles if that scene had played out in our younger kids ? lifetimes. Bullies and their victims are a more complex phenomenon in the twenty-first century.
A reader from Utah, writes:
They are mocked because of a physical or learning difference?
Our kids’ elementary school was great about this; no tolerance was given to kids who made fun of others; the parents were called, and if that didn’t solve the problem, the child was suspended. I have children with ADD and ADHD. We have gone into classrooms and demonstrated the “gifts” these so-called disabilities can bring, and the famous people who had them; Einstein and Walt Disney, to name a couple.
An reader from the south, writes:
My youngest son has a physical disability and so it has seemed that he is often the receiver of curious looks and comments. When he was starting kindergarten the stares and innocent questions came more often. “What’s the matter with you?” was encountered daily. I spoke with the school and got permission to speak with each school classroom and presented a mini-lesson on cerebral palsy geared toward their age group. Included in the K-1 talks was a fast rendition of “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” to illustrate that even their brains and hands could get confused. Using mittens to unbutton a coat or pick up a dime was challenging. Showing video clips of my son as a baby, and in therapy gave them a view of how he worked to improve. We told them about adaptive horse back riding. Talking about his siblings help them see he is a welcome part of a larger family. He read a book to the children, much to their dismay. He can read already? Wow! He is pretty cool!
I think it is fair to say that, on the whole, he became somewhat of a school celebrity. Instead of wondering and making fun, they had answers, and most children felt they knew him and felt very comfortable with him. He had many helpers in elementary school from those with a compassionate nature. We went to middle school on the wave of that success. Curiosity and bullying are very different. I have explained to my son that not only is he cute, but he is interesting to watch because he is different. Even a child with a disability will show interest in others with differences. That is human nature.
It wasn ?t till 8th grade that he faced a pretty intense bully situation. I felt stunned. It was a group of girls, and they were relentless and cruel. None of them had been to his elementary school. I called the school and asked how much of that we should just try to accept and work through on our own. They said “None!” They did not want that type of behavior in school any more than we did. I asked the school people to just watch and catch them at it themselves, rather than approach them as being reported by a parent. With several staff on board, the behavior was mostly extinguished. On the home-front, we talked about the fact that most kids have some experience with bullies, and that he was just a target. We talked about the characteristics of bullies and the likelihood that they were the ones with the real problems. When he graduated from middle school, I approached this group of girls and told them I had forgiven them for their behavior. They were speechless. I smiled and walked on, not wanting to make them more uncomfortable.
Because of our 8th grade experience, and on changing to high school, we opted again to have a mini-lesson at the other middle school under the direction of the guidance officer. With so many new kids going to the high school, we took the risk of their being interested in learning about disability in general , and to meet our son specifically. I also handed out fliers that gave the accepted people-first disability language. Children only know what they are taught. It is more acceptable to say “a boy with retardation,” than “a retarded boy,””a girl who uses a wheelchair,” instead of a “wheelchair-bound girl.” This becomes easier with practice. Overall the class was a success, and transition to high school has been successful.
Harder cases of bullying have been in the church family. After many years of one child constantly attacking my children in one way or another, I finally approached him myself, and told him to leave my children alone, and that he would have to “deal directly with me from here on out” if he insisted on hurting my kids. I then went to his mother and told him what I had said to him. She was fine with that. She didn’t know how to control him either!
The hardest case of bullying was actually with our best friends’ child. She constantly pushed our children down, into concrete walls, and even threw sand in their eyes. We finally had to distance ourselves from them for our children’s sake, even though we loved spending time with them. We felt we had no choice but to sacrifice our fun for our children’s safety. We have maintained a friendship through the years.
The subject of bullying is one that everyone must face. We, too, at one time, considered just taking our children to sacrament meeting or to another ward if necessary. In talking with our children, they always came up with the right responses. In time, most things get worked out if you face it instead of running away. It is important to talk to your children to find out what is happening. They usually do not want to upset a parent by telling them about their trials with bullies. We came to the conclusion that it doesn’t help the bullies to let them get away with it because a bullying child will have worse problems in adulthood. A bully needs to be stopped for his own sake! Dealing with bullies is difficult. We looked up a few web-sites that gave good information. That helps to put it in perspective and see it as the problem that it is in our society. As parents, we must watch our own children and not be afraid to parent and teach them if they exhibit bullying behaviors.
Dear Sister,
What a great example of pro-active service! By putting your son’s disability “out there” and actually educating his classmates, you not only raised awareness but fostered compassion and understanding, too.
Even though 8th grade was a little rocky, your attitude toward this period was so healthy. You are right. Most kids have experiences with bullies sometime in their lives but we don’t have to sit back and watch it happen.
By enlisting the help of staff and teachers, much of this cruelty can be stopped ?at least on the playground.
Thanks for the wonderful and very positive comments.
What do you do when the person bullying your child is an adult?
My 7 year old refuses to go to Primary anymore, because the Primary President can’t seem to understand that little boys wiggle. When he gets nervous, he giggles and moves alot, and this is somthing that we have been trying to address. Sometimes, he just gets bored, and puts his head on his knees. He isn’t making noise, or being disruptive, but he is constantly being called out in front of the rest of the kids, and sent to the hallway. The chorister, who is a good friend of ours, (who would tell me the truth if he was being naughty) tells me that the PP just doesn’t know how to deal with boys, since when we moved in to the ward, we doubled the primary and added the only boys. She also tells me that the other leaders never call on the boys for answers or to participate and then send them out to the hall when they get bored. (my 5 year old has been sent out too, and he NEVER gets in trouble)
At first, I thought that it had to be my son being naughty, and tried to address it with him, but he kept telling me that he wasn’t doing anything. Then the chorister told me what was going on.
At the Ward Halloween party, the PP approached my husband and told him that if Jay wanted to come to Primary, that he would have to come sit with him.
I am at a complete loss, now having to battle with not only the 7 year old, but the 5 year old too, to get them to go to Sharing Time.
kiar, could you go WITH them to Primary? Or your dh? First, that gives you first-hand information about what’s going on. Second, it gives your kids an ally. I try to be VERY supportive of those who serve in positions with my kids and take responsibility for their behavior, but if she’s really being unfair, I would not stand for it.