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My sister and I recently had the opportunity to attend the American Mothers Inc. convention in the Conference Center in Salt Lake City where my daughter was performing with the Cache Children's Choir. Among the speakers were the 2006 Mother of the Year and Young Mother of the Year. My sister leaned over to me and said something to the effect, “I find that an interesting designation.” This led to an in-depth conversation between us about what qualities would qualify a woman as “Mother of the Year.”
The master of ceremonies for the day included a woman who had given up a high profile career to be a stay-at-home mom definitely a Mother of the Year in our book. Another mother who performed on the program, with her children, was the mother of seven or eight of the most talented musicians I have ever seen. Just thinking about the time, money and energy that that mother had to put into lessons definitely qualify her as a candidate for Mother of the Year. At the same time, there is no way she would have had time to be as heavily involved in PTA and 4-H and other community service and organizations as so many outstanding mothers I know. A former Young Mother of the Year I know very well developed and leads a youth-led organization to protect youth and strengthen communities. Surely this mother, whose life was consumed with music lessons, did not have time to run organizations.
So who is most qualified for the title Mother of the Year, and why was it the one involved in community service a few years ago and the mother of musically gifted children this year? Which attribute is most important and most worthy of recognition? Or is it my sister, who was blessed with a daughter with Down syndrome, and has spent countless hours advocating for these special children, supporting and lifting other parents who face similar challenges, and teaching on the speaking circuit to help not only her own daughter but other children and parents whose lives are consumed with this circumstance that showed up in their life? Surely she would qualify as Mother of the Year and yet, as my sister, I also know her well enough to know that she isn't perfect. For that matter, as a good friend of the former Young Mother of the Year, I am well aware of some of her challenges and weaknesses.
Does the fact that they have these weaknesses disqualify them for the “Mother of the Year” title? Does my sister's imperfection make her great contributions to society obsolete? Does the fact that a former Mother of the Year is currently experiencing great struggles in certain areas of her life make her any less a “Mother of the Year”? What about my dear friend who is the most incredible mother I have ever met (they must have used her as the model when they wrote the textbook on raising children!), yet is single? Does being single automatically disqualify a woman for Mother of the Year status? If so, does that mean that no matter how many other things a single mother does right and no matter what kind of life she creates for her family, she is less than other mothers because of her marital status? Does marital status, then, override mothering status? Does weakness obliterate strengths? And what about the woman who does everything right, yet her children choose not to follow the mother's advice for a time? Does this mean the mother didn't give Mother of the Year quality in her efforts? Does a woman have to be perfect, and have perfect children, to qualify as Mother of the Year? And perfect in what areas?
What qualifies a woman for Mother of the Year? Is it the mother who cooks delicious gourmet meals three times a day no matter what? Is it the mother who sews all of her children's clothes and costumes? Or is it the soccer mom who shows up at every game and activity the children participate in, even coaching on occasion? Is it the PTA mom who spends almost as much time at the school as the child? Is it the mother who successfully juggles a stressful, high profile job while also being there for her children? Or is it the mother who gives up the high profile career to be a mother? Is the mother who is a high profile politician or the mother who successfully advocates for positive change in the local school? Is it the mother who raises a house full of outstanding musicians or dancers or athletes or is it the mother who sacrifices to go back to school in her later years to complete her degree? Is it the mother who has all straight A students or the mother who supports her struggling students through their academic challenges and helps them to maintain their self-esteem? Is it the mother that is happily married and providing her children with a wonderful example of a healthy marriage or the single mother who had the courage to escape an abusive marriage to protect the children? Is it the mother who loves to be in the outdoors and has an immaculate yard or the mother who keeps an immaculate house indoors or the mother who has the patience and stamina to let her budding young artist explore their world, even if it means having messes all over the house most of the time? Is it the mother who reads to her children 20 minutes a day or the mother who takes her children on field trips for hands on experiences? Is it the mother who travels with her children or the mother who makes sure the kids are in school every day and get their 100% attendance award every year? Is it the mother who dresses like a fashion model or the mother who wears the same pair of jeans she wore the past three years so that the kids can have new clothes for school? Is it the mother who manages to stay in size six clothing even after having three to four children or the mother who's shape keeps changing as she spends all of her time supporting the children?
Or does a Mother of the Year have to be all of the above?
Let's face it, no woman can be, nor would want to be, all of the above. Interests and priorities vary from woman to woman and family to family. Challenges and circumstances vary. So what qualifies a woman as “Mother of the Year”? My sister and I believe that there are many, many women from all different walks of life, with a wide variety of interests, challenges, strengths and weaknesses, who would all qualify as Mother of the Year in someone's life. I am inviting each of you to take a moment to consider which women in your life you would name as Mother of the Year and why and share with the rest of us the characteristics and traits you find worthy of “Mother of the Year” status.
Alison Moore Smith is a 61-year-old entrepreneur who graduated from BYU in 1987. She has been (very happily) married to Samuel M. Smith for 40 years. They are parents of six incredible children and grandparents to two astounding grandsons. She is the author of The 7 Success Habits of Homeschoolers.
To me, any woman who positively affects a childs life is qualified to be a Mother of the Year. There are many women who tirelessly work with special situations as you mentioned about your sister. But for every women who does that, there is another whose efforts may not be publicly viewed but are just as valient. I always cringe on Mother’s Day when the flowers are passed out at church & are given to just the “mothers” and not all women. Most years, who ever is conducting asked ALL women to stand, but this year, they ask for just “mothers” and my heart sank for all those who either struggled with infertility, being single, etc. So having children is not a requirement in my book for being a Mother of the Year.
As far as my role models….too many women flashed before my eyes. I am a part of a very “matriachal” family. The women essentially run the show. Now I don’t mean they are controlling or domineering, I just mean that they run the show!!! I’m from a family of “Eastern Pionners”, individuals who chose not to go west, but stayed east, seeking the truth & enduring the persecution that affiliation with the gospel brought. Historically, in our family, the women embraced the gospel, married non-members, who eventually joined & almost single handedly populated the state of PA with Mormons!!! These women talked the talk & walked the walk! So by living the gospel they brought tremendous blessings to their families and posterity. So they are the start of my Mothers of the Year(s). My own mother was an actual version of “Rosie, the Riveter”…she worked in an airplane factory riveting the airplanes together, I even have a picture of her in her overalls with the bandana on her head, looks just like the pic of Rosie, the Riveter!! Nothing, I mean absolutely nothing caused my mother a minute of fear, she just rolled up her sleeves & dug in, regardless of the situation or task. The was no division of labor in our home, my brother had to do laundry & I had to take out the garbage. She made sure her children were prepared to be self sustaining & self reliant. She was beautiful, actually quite stunning & there isn’t a time when I tell people my hometown & my parents that they don’t say, “Oh, she was the most beautiful woman I ever met”. She could scrub the floors, change the brakes on a car & then get dressed up and go out on the town!!! She loved the gospel & the church. When she died, she was placed for viewing in the very Relief Society room that she had stained every piece of wood in the room (podium to cabinets) as well the all the pews in the chapel & wood in the rest of the church. She was absolutely amazing. So, she is my #1 vote for mother of the year!
Mlinford, because she had three children in three years. I’m just barely starting to think of a second and mine’s ten months old.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I’m so not. Pick my sister, she had five in seven years. Twins at the end. I’m so far from mother of the year it’s scary! 🙂
I’ll nominate my mom. She put up with me! 😀
I think Alison should be nominated. 🙂
I second that! Go Alison!
ROFL I was just a little suspicious. You’ll have to note that superstar ?is one of my daughters. 🙂 She’s my third (almost 14) and the most awesome thing you could ask for.
(Alana, I’ll give you the $5 in the morning ?)
OK, Fireball, what do *I* get? Hand it over…. 🙂
I second the nomination of mlinford.
There, payback.
Wahaha. I wanted money, chica. Mooooola. 🙂
I think mothers would rather see the honor of Mother of the Year bestowed on someone they think deserves it than see it bestowed upon themselves. Think about it: probably every one of us could look pretty good in glowing, resume-like terms, but we live with ourselves between the lines and achievements, and thus probably seem rather ordinary.