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A primer for those confused about this very special sport.
Quarterback Sneak: Those who duck and run out of a fireside right before the closing prayer to “avoid the rush.”
Draw Play: What many children do with the bulletin during Sacrament Meeting.
Half-time: The period between Sacrament and Sunday School when many choose to leave.
Bench warmer: Those who do not sing, pray, comment, teach, or apparently do anything but breathe.
Backfield-in-motion: Making a trip to the restroom or drinking fountain during a meeting.
Staying in the Pocket: The forgotten tithing envelope's best move.
Two-minute Warning: The point at which you realize the meeting is almost over and begin to gather up your children and their cheerios, crayons, and stray Power Rangers.
Instant Replay: The speaker loses his/her notes and falls back on last week's Sunday School lesson.
Sudden Death: What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the meeting goes into “overtime.”
Trap: You're called on to pray and are asleep.
End Run: Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any visitor, fellow member, or best yet anyone in the bishopric.
Flex Defense: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the meeting to affect your life.
Halfback Option: The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for their other meetings.
Sacked: Being asked to speak in Sacrament meeting (tomorrow).
Blitz: The rush for the refrigerator following the closing prayer on fast Sunday.
Alison Moore Smith is a 61-year-old entrepreneur who graduated from BYU in 1987. She has been (very happily) married to Samuel M. Smith for 40 years. They are parents of six incredible children and grandparents to two astounding grandsons. She is the author of The 7 Success Habits of Homeschoolers.