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During my month of focusing on hungering and thirsting after righteousness I was fasting one day, and as I was sitting in a networking meeting watching everyone else eat a delicious lunch, my mind wandered to thoughts of diet and eating habits. In the middle of that contemplation, I had an interesting thought related to that month's resolution. It really was something I had not considered previously and dealt with proper ways to construct a diet—to “manage” hunger and thirst.
Feeling hunger and thirst has one, and only one, purpose—to prompt the one who is hungry and thirsty to eat and drink in order to quench that hunger and thirst, thus protecting the body from the damage that inevitably occurs from lack of nourishment. Thus, we feel hunger and thirst when we are in need of physical nourishment and are at risk of physical harm. As I was considering that (what hunger and thirst really are), I was struck by the correlation between how similar a good physical diet and a good spiritual diet are —and how wise the counsel is that we receive from our prophets and apostles.
Nutritionists teach that the absolute best way to construct a diet is to eat small meals throughout the day—as often as every two to three hours—a little food each time—just enough to “take the edge off” and satisfy the hunger and thirst that is felt as we burn away the calories (nutritional energy) provided by our food. In other words, the best way to manage food is to eat just enough to make the hunger and thirst go away (to replenish our physical energy), then repeat that process each time hunger and thirst is felt (when that physical energy is used). Obviously, that is not possible for most people in the course of their daily lives, so a good compromise is to eat three times daily—in the morning, around Noon and in the evening.
Other patterns of diet are not as healthy, since they ignore the warnings signs (hunger and thirst) and procrastinate the alleviation of those signs. For example, a “feast and famine” approach is unhealthy, as it does not provide steady nourishment (along with a host of other issues), while extreme diets might produce immediate and dramatic weight loss but rarely are sustainable, since they are incapable of establishing nutritional habits, and often cause problems with organs that are overtaxed by too much and then too little nourishment. Often, once the initial weight loss is achieved, old habits return—creating a yo-yo effect with weight control, which brings its own set of issues and complications (both physical and emotional). The effects of binging and purging are obvious and destructive.
There is one other habit that deserves to be considered: gluttony. Gluttony is partaking in excess, in this case going beyond dietary need and wrecking the proper balance that produces optimum health—and it generally is accompanied by a lack of proper exercise, through which excess calories (nutritional energy) are burned away. When gluttony is practiced to an extreme degree, morbid obesity creates all kinds of health issues. It is an incredibly destructive dietary practice, and it is available only to those who have access to a surplus of food. In a very real way, it is a case of selfishness, since it consumes food unneeded by the consumer and takes that food away from others who actually need it.
It is interesting to compare this to the advice and counsel we have received for feeding ourselves spiritually. The general forms of spiritual nourishment are fasting, prayer, scripture study and pondering/contemplation. The counsel is and always has been to fast at least monthly (and more often whenever necessary), pray at least morning and night and at various other times when appropriate (and keep a prayer in the heart always), read the scriptures at least daily, and ponder/contemplate the things of God always. This creates a situation in which you are fed spiritually continually, where there is some form of spiritual nourishment occurring at the very moment it is needed. There is no feasting and famine—no “extreme diet”—no binging and purging—just a steady stream of nourishment that maintains an optimum state of spiritual health.
There also is no gluttony in this approach, as the constant and daily aspects of spiritual nourishment should be undertaken within the context of our other responsibilities of life. Caring for our families includes time in “occupational” pursuits (outside of or inside the home) and recreational activities; we set aside time for the development of talents; we engage in the service of others; etc. This allows us to “burn away” our excess spiritual energy, tone and strengthen our spirits, and create a properly balanced soul.
I have seen the effects of spiritual gluttony in the lives of some people I love deeply—people I know are good, caring, loving, spiritual individuals. They are good people at heart, but the inordinate amount of time they spend involved in individual spiritual activities reduces the amount of time they have available to spend with family and friends, thus reducing the amount of “spiritual energy and nourishment” they are able to “burn away” to provide spiritual light and heat and nourishment and energy for others. Just as with physical gluttony, it removes spiritual nutrition from others, lessening their opportunity for spiritual nourishment. In some cases, it leads those they love the most to assume that they are not loved as much as the pursuit of spiritual nourishment—creating, in one example I have seen, the impression that dead people (temple work) are more important than live people (family and friends and neighbors).
It is important as we hunger and thirst after righteousness that we do so in a proper manner—feeding our spirits like we should feed our physical bodies—creating real balance in the nourishment of our soul.
Alison Moore Smith is a 61-year-old entrepreneur who graduated from BYU in 1987. She has been (very happily) married to Samuel M. Smith for 40 years. They are parents of six incredible children and grandparents to two astounding grandsons. She is the author of The 7 Success Habits of Homeschoolers.
That was quite thought provoking, thanks Ray. I never gave much thought to spiritual gluttony, but it makes sense to be overzealous that is becomes counter productive.
Hi, Ray. I love the comparison of managing spiritual hunger to managing physical hunger, and how the optimal way to gain nourishment is to have small, frequent portions throughout the day. Perfect.
I hope you don’t mind if I express a concern (and we’ve probably discussed this before.) Your post might convince people that they deserve balance, and, in fact, will find it as they progress in the gospel. I think it’s highly unlikely. Leaders counsel us to find balance in our lives, but I have noticed that the people who are the most deeply immersed in the heart of the gospel have very little of that “balance.” What they have instead is peace and help to do what they have to do. They are also the people who are the most quiet about the sacrifices they make. President Monson, President Hinckley, the Twelve, the Seventy, area authorities, even stake presidents and bishops–they sacrifice balance for the building of the kingdom. They rarely complain, and so we most often never recognize the serious imbalance in their family lives. Truth be told, their families deal with regular, daily, ongoing imbalance. Some might even call it neglect. I think it is a matter of attitude. Sister Monson, Sister Hinckley, the Monson children, the Hinckley children–they didn’t call it neglect. They called it offering the best they had to the Lord. They were blessed by the service their fathers and husbands provided, but they basically lived their daily lives without them. They chose to be supportive instead of resentful. It is ALWAYS a choice.
In speaking of family history, you said this:
“In some cases, it leads those they love the most to assume that they are not loved as much as the pursuit of spiritual nourishment – creating, in one example I have seen, the impression that dead people (temple work) are more important than live people (family and friends and neighbors). It is important as we hunger and thirst after righteousness that we do so in a proper manner – feeding our spirits like we should feed our physical bodies – creating real balance in the nourishment of our soul.”
I think, without knowing the person’s appointment from the Lord, it might be a little problematic to assume that those whose lives are imbalanced in service aren’t taking care of their primary responsibilities or that they are guilty of spiritual gluttony. To borrow a thought from Nicholas Cage in National Treasure 2, those who have the CAPABILITY to (do a thing well) have the RESPONSIBILITY to do it well, for the good of all. Especially in the family history arena, the workers are so few. The training required is extensive. If the people who CAN do it DON’T do it, who will do the Lord’s important work? A dead soul is just as important to Him as a living one. I love the story of Esther, who fell into the opportunity to save her nation, her fellow Jews. She questioned why it should be her. Her wise uncle Mordecai (also her legal guardian and beloved mentor) told her, “Who knoweth whether thou art born to the kingdom for such a time as this?” In other words, “Don’t you think it is possible that you were born at this time and came into these circumstances specifically so you COULD save your nation?”
The head of the family history center here in Idaho told me that he was so busy helping other people find their families and seal them together that he had very little time to spend with his own living family, or to find and seal his own deceased family members to him. He was really concerned about it, praying often that there would be a solution. The solution was that other people helped his living family with the necessary things that could be delegated, and a woman he assisted at the family history center turned out to be a distant relative who was tracing HIS line. She completed his family work so he could help other people do theirs. He was very gifted in family history knowledge, and it wasn’t a gift he could pass on to someone else. He had a work to do for the Lord, perhaps different than other people’s assignments. He had a gift, and he was also a regularly-called missionary.
And maybe some people don’t have “callings”–but maybe they have very real directives from the Lord to which we are not privvy. Perhaps they are “called to the kingdom for such a time as this”–and no one else knows it, including their family members. To call them gluttonous when perhaps they are just exceptionally obedient is, I think, a little unfair, or at least uninformed.
My brother was just recently called to move to Salt Lake City. His new job, a paid job, is to be in charge of the digitization of Church records. He will employ 2000 people. The state of the digitization project is currently a mess, and it will be his job to fix it. His wife is going to be alone. Alot. Maybe he was “born to the kingdom for such a time as this.” But, “who knoweth whether (she was not also) born to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Maybe my brother was prompted to marry her because she was a woman who would willingly give her husband to the Lord.
Times and seasons. Neal Maxwell said that life is like a seesaw, where one day something is “up” in importance, and another day it is “down.” He said that as we set our priorities at different seasons of our lives, some things may have to take priority over even family until such time as the pressure eases, either with a release or a change of circumstances. It would be wonderful if every family in the Church could always put family first 100% of the time, but it just doesn’t work that way. If it weren’t for leaders who are somewhat neglectful of their families, this Church wouldn’t function. I guess the trick is to help a family unite and feel that it is “OUR” calling, “OUR” family history work, “OUR” offering to the Lord”–that “we are in this thing together, and it is BECAUSE we love you so much that we spend so much time serving in the Church.” The calling or the gift is heaven-sent, and if we truly love those called and specifically gifted, we give them wings, leeway to fill or pursue their gifts and callings, which will bless many.
And I want to add, Ray, that I love the thoughtful discussions you promote concerning the beatitudes. Lots of good food for thought.
Very interesting insights. Your post reminds me of Alma 34. Amulek says to have faith, cry unto the Lord over your flocks, fields, household, against Satan, etc. For 10 verses, he says how we must pray always. And then he gives this warning:
That really kind of hit me about praying and building up our spiritual reserves and asking for money for righteous purposes. If we don’t then share, we “are as dross”.
Ray, great article!
There are two times in my life when I might have been accused of spiritual gluttony. (Far more often I can be accused of the opposite.) I’m not sure there was any intrinsic damage but what I did see was a kind of crash or letdown when I couldn’t (or didn’t desire to?) keep up the pace. A little bit like when missionaries come home and have a hard time adjusting, I think.
Anyway, I need more thought about it.
davidson, thanks for that input. I don’t disagree with it, at all.
The example I gave was NOT of someone who was called as a temple worker. It is of someone who chose to do LOTS of temple work, while simultaneously serving in a time-consuming calling, with a large family of young children and teenagers. That’s not imbalance; that’s gluttony – and, frankly, imo, neglect.
I enjoyed this article, and your comments as well Serena. Good thoughts all.
Awesome, Ray!!!
Funny too, because I just gave this “talk” at a Young Women in Excellence for one of the wards in our stake!
ray i like the articles you write alot. they make me think about what i do more. thanks.
Ray, I’ve been thinking about how this gluttony idea fits with missionaries. Of course, that IS their calling, but it does make them kind of ?”out there.” I tell my kids to marry an RM, but never until s/he’s been home about a year. Otherwise, they don’t really know who they are marrying. :surprised:
Ray, nice thoughts.
Two thoughts in return.
It may be selfishness, or it may actually be illness. The two should not be completely conflated, even if there is element of selfishness (maybe ignorant selfishness, but chronic eating can actually just be a coping mechanism for someone who hasn’t learned better skills yet). Eating disorders are a real thing, and a real manifestation of our fallenness. I think it’s important to leave room for the recognition that we all have our fallen stuff — some is just more visible than others, and we ought to be careful not to judge hearts. A really powerful book to read on this topic is Running with Angels — an intimate look into the heartrending struggles of a woman who had gotten to the morbidly obese stage…after losing two babies and having two children with very difficult chronic illnesses.
Things aren’t always as they appear. Principles are good, but oh, how inadequate we all are in applying them!
Again, while in a vacuum, this may be true, at some point part of our life is to learn to figure out balance. I think it’s potentially problematic to jump right to accusations of ‘neglect’ when it may be that someone is still just trying to figure out balance and may just be honestly struggling with that.
I guess I say that in part because there have been times when I have been out of balance. Probably lots of them. And yeah, technically, you could probably say that there was even some measure of neglect or gluttony or something.
But in the end, I think God is a lot more merciful than we are with each other. I’ve gotten better over time, I think. I hope! There are extreme cases where neglect is truly chronic and truly bad, but a lot of times, it’s just evidence of someone’s good desires just not quite figured out in the big scheme of things.
If we didn’t have such a problem with this, I don’t think we would hear so many talks like “Good, Better, Best.” 🙂 And talks about the difference between weakness and sin (willful disobedience is not the same thing as genuine but regretted (when informed) mistakes made in our fallenness) . And yes, mixed in, talks about how our strengths can become our downfall. If this were all natural to us, though, we wouldn’t have counsel to work on. 🙂
And Ray, I suspect you don’t disagree. The limitations of language make this kind of thing hard to talk about. But I just wanted to pull that out a little…esp. since my brain is the kind that can be so hard on myself as I am, in my heart, trying so hard and still get it wrong so often. Ya know? I’m working really hard not to use principles to beat myself with, or judge others by. We are here to be messy beings, and balance is a huge, huge struggle for most if not all of us, imo.
Thinking about what you wrote, Michelle.
I’m not one to believe in many “illnesses.” Maybe it’s an overreaction, but it seems that everything on the planet has become an illness, a condition, a syndrome. At the end of the day, nobody is responsible for what they do. My thinking is almost an exact opposite of what I see in our culture in this regard.
So, sure, when we don’t have balance we are, if living responsibly, trying to find balance. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t off track–neglecting what we should attend to and/or indulging in what we shouldn’t.
On the scale of 1 to 10, I’m probably a 9.8 on the “beating yourself up” scale (take that figuratively). But I honestly don’t see that as a problem. I see it as the only means to growth and progress.
Alison,
Sure, the notion of illness can be used as a scapegoat for agency. But sometimes, it can be used as a powerful tool to understand and to learn different ways of coping.
I may write about it someday, but I had an eating disorder for a decade or so, and it was not something I overcame by more discipline, less neglect, etc. More guilt, more head-beating, more principles about health or whatever, more whatever could not change it for me. It was literally taken from me. All I did was stay on the path. I beat myself up TOO much over it. I didn’t stop trying to fix it, but now that i have the contrast of being completely healed from it, I know it was more than I could have done on my own.
So I disagree that the only path to growth and progress is to beat oneself up. Sometimes growth comes from enduring well something that may be embedded at some level in your ‘nature and nurture’ physiology and patterns, and waiting on God…of course, doing all you can along the way. But beating yourself up does not often help with situations like this.
Thanks, Michelle – and Alison. I agree with both of you to some extent. I do believe there are disorders that are very difficult to control and should not be lumped indiscriminately with selfishness, so I appreciate the distinction. However, I also agree that our current society celebrates victimhood to the extent of practically abdicating personal responsibility in many instances. Walking that line properly is not an easy task.
Well said. And I hope it is clear that I don’t think celebrating victimhood is a good thing. That is not what I was talking about.
Amen to you both.
Michelle, I was hoping the “beating oneself up” comment would not be taken too literally, which was why I added the parenthetical. I don’t loathe myself, but most people who know me would say I’m hard on myself or demanding of myself or something along those lines. But I DO think that without doing so, we fall so far short of our potential. “The natural man” isn’t much for real growth and improvement and change most of the time. But what a waste of our precious lives if we just coast along, when we are children of God!
Amen! I think that was one of the points of Sister Beck’s talk in the RS broadcast this year.
Quoting: “We rejoice in the knowledge that you are going about doing good, as the Savior did. You are doing a magnificent work. Yet we feel impressed to say that there is more to be done.”
Again, Alison, just to be sure it’s clear, I was never advocating coasting along. If one is demanding of oneself in a healthy way, that’s great. But that can also be a weakness of its own, if one does not rely on the Atonement along the way.
Ask me how I know this…. hehe
I’m not sure how not relying on the atonement was implied. I sure didn’t intend that to be the case.
FWIW, I am just speaking from my own experience about how easy it is for me to focus so much on my part that I can forget sometimes to rely on the Savior along the way. I can be so focused on all that I need to do to change and grow and improve and overcome the natural man and all of that that I can become discouraged, even paralyzed sometimes.
I think that different personalities process all of this differently. I am just sharing some of the things that jump out at me and the way I work. i don’t think we disagree on principles, though.
(I’d love sometime to be able to discuss how we each rely on the Savior…what that looks like for different people. Could be an interesting discussion, imo….)
That is a fascinating topic, Michelle – truly fascinating.
Sounds like you have your next post topic, Michelle! I’ll be looking for it… 🙂