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I have always lived well outside the Western U.S. where there are church building in every neighborhood. I have heard Church members refer to anywhere outside Utah as “the mission field.” Many years ago, when I lived in another ward, I had a conversation with a sister in my ward in which she confessed to wishing she could return to the west “where they did things right.” In all honesty, I was really put off by her comment. Not ever having lived out west, I really did not understand what she was longing for. But I did see many people in my ward stepping up and accepting callings they did not feel qualified to do. I saw them seeking to serve people in the best way that they knew how, and I felt like that counted so much more than how well a program was run.
I have since moved to a much smaller ward, in which there are very few families with children. There is typically only one or two children in each of my children's Primary classes. We are geographically very spread out, making it difficult to develop relationships with other members. And we seem to have an unusual number of people with serious difficulties, such as illness, disability, single parents, widows, etc. My husband was just remarking to me the other day that one of ten of our members needs a ride to church. In the face of all the trials my little ward faces, I sometimes find myself feeling a little like this dear sister shared with me years ago. I especially worry that my children will not find friends in the Church.
So we have been forced to make a concerted effort to look for friends outside the Church. We have met people at the park, at the library, and at the local park district. We plan play dates and schedule activities together for our kids. Grasshopper has loved all of her friends, but she has lamented on occasion that she wishes they could all believe the same thing. And I have wonder what God has planned for us in all of this.
This weekend, I attended a Christian homeschooling conference with a couple of friends (not church members). Toward the end of the first day, I noticed that I did not see a single teenager that was dressed inappropriately (by LDS standards). I came home and told my daughter what I saw and told her that she had friends who were taught the same standards of living, even if their doctrinal beliefs differed. Those friends would support her as she sought to live the gospel throughout her childhood.
And when I returned the next day, my friend remarked to me, “Have you noticed how modestly the youth are all dressed?” I am so grateful for people of all faiths who seek live pure lives. And I am grateful that God has led me to “the mission field,” putting us in a position to seek out friendships with these good people that I might otherwise never have approached.
Alison Moore Smith is a 61-year-old entrepreneur who graduated from BYU in 1987. She has been (very happily) married to Samuel M. Smith for 40 years. They are parents of six incredible children and grandparents to two astounding grandsons. She is the author of The 7 Success Habits of Homeschoolers.
That term “mission field” has always bothered me as well. The “mission field” is everywhere, including Utah. And there are “mission field” wards in Utah as well as in other areas that are less LDS populated.
We lived in a ward in South Provo that functioned much like what you are talking about. And we live in a ward now very far outside of Utah that feels more like a Utah ward than most of the Utah wards I’ve been in. 🙂
If you want a mission field ward experience, you should ask me and Amy Lockhart about our ward in Louisiana. :/
Anyway, I am glad to see that you are finding good friends outside of the church. I hope that your Christian homeschoool group will let you stay. Many of them will not allow LDS kids, or only if you will sign a contract agreeing with their doctrine (which will directly contradict yours). Amy could expound on that as well.
Well, I don’t actually belong to a Christian homeschool group at this point. The conference I went to was the state Christian group’s annual conference. There are a couple of co-ops in the area that require a Statement of Faith, but there is a secular group and a non-exclusive Christian group that we could join. But my kids are a little young for that much formality right now. Grasshopper (7yo) already has 3 hours of ballet and will be starting piano soon. Cricket (4yo) takes bowling and has storytime at the library. I am not sure where I would fit in a co-op. ;P
Hmmm, I hear you ladies. Having lived all my life in ‘the mission field’ – Australia and New Zealand – I would have it no other way. While it is a struggle for us at times to walk the minefield of evil influence out there, it certainly prepares our children to face opposition with confidence and conviction. They are able to discern between the right kind of non-member friend to make and they are not afraid to enter a classroom where they are in the minority. Many of them are leaders in their schools as they live honest and trustworthy lives. And they value the friendships they have, both at school and with their member friends so much more.
I have had a lot of experience with ex-patriot member families from Utah (including general authorities families) where they have struggled to adapt to this kind of situation. Many of them, having come from areas where LDS were in the majority at school, find it difficult to find where to fit in. In ‘the mission field’ we find our first port of call for friendship is within the ward family – not at school. But many of the ex-patriots can’t quite grasp that concept. They will often shun the ward family, and look for friendships at school. This has had disastrous consequences for some, and for others, it has become a long journey to finally find their home within the walls of their ward family.
What is even more interesting from my perspective is that my daughter is currently serving a mission in Utah. Her mission is noted as the highest, English speakng, baptising mission in the world. Where are the majority of these converts coming from? Part-member families, and children of record.
But no area is without its problems and pitfalls. We should all be constantly aware of the negative influences around us, so that we can make wise decisions about who we spend time with, and how we can better improve our service in the Lord’s kingdom.
Thanks for a really thought provoking post Tracy
“The mission field” reminds me a lot of “black” vs. “african american.” You can’t please everybody. 🙂 I have heard the term FAR more from non-Utahns than from Utahns.
[Funny side note: my brother- and sister-in-law live in Oregon. After many years hearing them talk about living in “the mission field,” we went to visit them. They had LDS neighbors in their culdesac. They had a church within walking distance. Their kids attended released time seminary in a building right next to the school. When I saw they last of those three, I burst out, “Mission field???? What are you talking about? You do NOT live in the mission field!” 🙂 ]
I honestly don’t remember the term in all my growing up years in Utah in any way other than complimentary.
When we moved to Florida, the native (and transplanted) Floridians used it all the time to proudly to compare themselves to others, especially Utahns.
At one point one of my close friends used it just one too many times when I took her to task on it. After JUST ONE MORE rant about how “strong” members in “the mission field” were compared to “Utah Mormons,” I pointed out that well over 50% of our “mission field” ward was inactive. NOT “less active.” Completely, totally, utterly, INactive. We had 256 women in Relief Society, very few of whom ever attended or contributed in any way, but ALL of whom required resources. (At that point, I was assigned to visit teach eight women (alone) and my husband home taught ten families (alone). Multiple callings. I’m sure many of you know what I’m talking about.)
I pointed out that in Utah, the activity rate was far higher. But, in my perception, the “activity rate” with regard to actual testimony was about the same in both places. The difference was that in Utah there was CULTURAL pressure to go to church. You could, I suppose, stay home and mow your lawn on Sunday, but everyone would look at you funny. So many people just go to church — because everyone does.
So, is it better to go to church because your whole neighborhood does, even though you aren’t fully committed, or to stay home and have nothing to do with the church?
Honestly, there are pros and cons to both, but the out-of-hand “Utah Mormons are sucky slackers” thing got really old.
There are difficulties, challenges, and trials living in predominantly LDS areas that also strengthen testimonies and foster spiritual growth that perhaps others don’t see — and that are also difficult for those not familiar to navigate.
Now I agree, this isn’t a very tactful way to phrase this. But I have to admit that I kind of felt the same way when we moved back. But let me explain.
There are really cool, amazing things about conversion and growth and “young” (with regard to length of church membership) wards. But there are also difficulties.
I was actually once ASSIGNED to correct non-doctrinal statements made by teachers in Relief Society. Things like “Eve just ate the apple because she was hungry” and “if you are baptized and go inactive you are a son of perdition.”
Now, I’m telling you, Sunday was never boring!
We had a woman who regularly sang her testimony AND aired dirty laundry about her mother (who occasionally came to church) and would keep going until someone in the bishopric got up and told her she needed to stop. Awkward.
We had another who channeled an evangelical preacher and would bang on the pulpit and yell. Always entertaining.
We had lots of cultural problems including an entire ward in our stake (at youth conference) who decided to form a circle while youth couples took turns simulating sex (with (modest!) skirts pulled up) in the center. And the leaders got ticked off when one of my friends broke it up. OK!
So, actually, by the time we moved, I was looking forward to a bit of a rest, to a bit of boring, predictable, head-nodding, where everyone is pretty much on the same page and everyone pretty much knows the handbook inside out (except that prayer thing! 🙂 ). Where we could discuss things beyond Gospel Principles in depth. (Seriously, when we moved to our current ward, Robert Matthews was the Gospel Doctrine teacher!) And where my kids won’t get asked to birthday parties (generally involving swimming, movies, and/or restaurants) every Sunday and won’t get screamed at by coaches when we say we don’t play sports on Sunday (no, not even for tournament and not even if someone else drives them (???)). And where most boys will find out if you’re 16 BEFORE they ask you out and where shrugs over prom dresses aren’t seen as freakish.
Oh, yea, and being allowed to be in the homeschool group without professing belief in creeds! And not having my kids told they will “rot in hell” at sports day.
Sometimes, it’s nice to have general cultural support for the things you teach — which is really the same thing many of you said by looking for like-minded friends (LDS or not). Right? And isn’t missionary work all about striving for at least SOME level of homogeny?
Honest and truly, I see good and bad in predominantly Mormon places and also in “the mission field.” But in the end, we’re all brothers and sisters, working out our salvation in various circumstances. 🙂
Having lived on both ends of the “mission field” debate, it is my opinion that things are much more black and white outside of the west, and gray in the west (particularly in Utah). Yes, I know that is a sweeping generality and there are certainly exceptions, but I personally find it much easier to be a member outside of Utah. This was particularly true in high school, as pretty much all the pressure you are getting to bend the rules comes from fellow church members.
If it’s “easier to be a member outside of Utah” then I guess we have to stop bashing Utah Mormons. They are doing REALLY well if they show up at all! hee hee
Angie, that’s one of the things I’m talking about. In Florida, we could often “get away” with explaining things as part of our religious conviction. But it’s more problematic to say that when practically everyone is also LDS.
Pandora, I like that bar you’ve set. 😉
Hello There,
Good post, it really got lots of people thinking. In the end we are all on the same team…right? Utah…not Utah…does it matter? After all this isn’t a competition. We are all searching after the same goal, peace, forgiveness, to be closer to our Heavenly Father. But I do understand. I was born and raised in Pennsylvania. There was two of us in in the highschool…for a year…till she graduated and went off to college. And it was hard, being different…all the time.
Yet I hear it is hard out in Utah…where everyone is Mormon and still not living the gospel. Of course we had that problem in PA. Half of my active Mormon friends were getting into all sorts of trouble too, but I honestly imagine it would be harder out in Utah. When I was out there the stats were similar to PA, half were active, half you never really saw. I served my mission is Salt Lake. And I loved it. There were a ton of really wonderful members out there that took care of us, helped with exchanges and shared their testimonies And there are really wonderful people in PA.
I’ve had Utah friends tell me that we weren’t doing it right out here either, or how they could never live here for that long-which I didn’t see…because it looked like the same to me as it did in Utah, in ward councils and such. I used to be offended because I really liked them and wanted them to stay out here and turn this place into a mini Utah…with trees 😉
What realization I had was that there is the good and bad to everywhere you go. There are spectacular stuff, and some room for improvement.
I love Utahans…and I should they make up half of the members in my ward. .I guess my point is, we should all be for each other, not against each other. After all isn’t this what the gospel teaches?
The only time I’ve groaned was when a senior missionary couple bore testimony as they were leaving to go home, and the sister must have said “in the mission field” about 10 times in 5 minutes, and each time it was in a condescending way. She was from “pioneer stock” (and she made sure we knew it) and thought she had been sent to our area to save us from our ignorance. I think even the transplants from out west were cringing and wishing her God speed and good riddance. I’ve never lived out west, always in the Deep South. I am thankful for the westerns that find their way into my ward and stake. Mostly, they are a great group. My wife gets aggravated when sisters whine about being away from home while thier husbands make a good living off the local economy. She has all but told some sisters “If you don’t like it, go home to Utah and starve to death in your mother’s backyard!” But my impression is that they’re really whining about being away from family as they begin families of their own. Those families that embrace the ward as their extended family do really well. Like some, I think it would it would be nice to live out west and take a vacation from the many callings and responsibilities placed on an active Saint “in the mission field,” but I do believe my children have been better off being raised 1800 miles from SLC. My brother in law served his mission in Salt Lake North, and he’s told me hilarious stories about the Saints who weren’t exactly doing it right. So, people are people. Not all western traditions are doctrine, which is why we have church manuals and handbooks to keep us straight.
Thanks for that shout out Angie 🙂 Ah, Louisiana. Miss that place, but only because you were there, okay there are a couple other reasons 🙂 You are at the top though. Have I ever told you about our ward in Michigan? I would dare say that it trumps Louisiana, those who have heard stories have said things like, “Are you sure you weren’t in a third world country?” It was an experience for sure. Anyhoo!
We too have lived in many places, although not outside the US, unless you consider Alaska that way! I was born and raised in Utah with all the typical stuff you would expect way back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, at least that’s how my children refer to my age. I was going to live in Utah forever because it was the only place to really live the gospel. The Lord decided to teach me a lesson for sure. I have learned a little bit since those days in my youth.
Tracy, I appreciated your remarks about friends of other faiths. We have found wonderful people outside our church who share our deep love for, and faith in, the Savior. We find great solace in those relationships.
An interesting thing to me has been that our choices as a family, as far as media participation and things of that type generally line up more closely with those we know outside of the church. It is a curious thing to me. Of course, we love and enjoy all of the members of our branch, it really is a great group of people. Actually, it’s quite a respite from the long string of places we have been as referred to a bit above. The Lord really does know how to put us where he needs us and plop us for a rest when we need one 🙂
I was working on a post similar in nature to yours, thanks for saving me the effort 🙂 Loved it.
Danielle said: “we should all be for each other, not against each other. After all isn’t this what the gospel teaches?” Amen!
IDIAT said: “people are people. Not all western traditions are doctrine, which is why we have church manuals and handbooks to keep us straight.” Amen again!
Pandora said: “If it’s “easier to be a member outside of Utah†then I guess we have to stop bashing Utah Mormons. They are doing REALLY well if they show up at all!” I think it’s both easier and harder. As Alison said, I found huge comfort in living in a culture where my beliefs were widely understood, even if they weren’t practiced by everyone. It is really great not to have to fight the Monday night battle constantly or explain why you are looking so hard for a modest dress. Even if they aren’t living it, people “get” the culture for the most part. Sure, they might laugh at me afterward but they understand where it comes from at least.
I would say being a member “in the mission field” is harder in other ways. I find my nonmember friends and neighbors very accepting and curious about my beliefs, and they really don’t give me any grief about it. I’ve overheard a few comments, but they weren’t meant to intentionally hurt or anything. Just misunderstandings, and I am fine with that. But, I do think it’s harder within the church itself in a lot of ways. It does seem like there are more needs…or maybe it is fewer people to address the needs, but in a general way I would say we are called on much more frequently to be of service in many ways than we ever were in the west – both with callings and just the amount of inactive members here. Since we have moved from Utah 6 years ago, we have almost always had multiple callings each (right now, I have 3 and my husband has 3 as well) – or one very time consuming calling. They visiting teaching and home teaching needs have been greater (more people to visit because fewer seem willing to do it, AND greater needs because here again I think fewer are willing to help). I visit 5 ladies and my husband visits 6 families. Some of them require little and some require a lot. My husband spends a lot of weekends helping people. I babysit a lot of kids, give a lot of rides, and make a whole lot more meals than I ever did in Utah. So I think in a way it IS more demanding here. And yet, on an emotional/spiritual level it’s been a lot easier for me here personally. I’m sure others have different experiences. I also know it varies greatly ward to ward. I lived in a ward in South Provo, for example, that had probably more needs than anywhere else, and my current ward in Michigan actually feels much like a Utah ward (other than the 6 callings between us part)
Hi Amy, we must have been posting at the same time.
Oddly enough, I really DO miss things about that ward. Even as I was typing that, I realized that it probably functioned pretty well overall. Definitely a few little glitches here and there, but as I thought about it, that ward really did have a way of staying fairly well staffed without burdening families too much. My husband and I each only had one calling there, and reasonable home teaching and visiting teaching routes – many fewer demands that way than in our current ward, which is funny because this ward feels much more like a “Utah ward” to me. Weird. Anyway. Good to hear from you 🙂
Tracy P:
Better yet, don’t fit in, start your own! Or just enjoy what you have going on right now and see what is in store down the road 🙂
You would ‘fit in’, in my co-op. I started it when I had no other options due to our baby being born with a disease that dictates a demanding routine of procedures multiple times each day, and that still doesn’t keep him well enough to be out and about much. I said to myself “You can’t go anywhere else or join anyone else, might as well bring ’em here.” They showed up in droves and we now have a waiting list. Who’d a thunk it?! A school year later and many wonderful learning opportunities under our belts, I can honestly say it’s been so rewarding, such a blessing, and an amazing addition to our family’s homeschool adventure.
I declare it as ‘open’ due to being left out of multiple co-ops around the country because they “knew I was mormon”. I don’t know why but I seemed to only be able to find christian co-ops that wanted nothing to do with me 🙂 I also declare it that way because that’s just who I am, open to people, open to experiences, open to life and what it has to offer.
Surprisingly all but 1 of the 22 families are christian by some denomination or another, and, despite my giant SLC temple picture above the mantle (which each have asked me about and I gladly share), large family copy of the Book of Mormon, and picture of the first Presidency placed prominently in our library, not a single one has gone running for the door due to my un-christianity (I like to make up words). I suppose it has something to do with the way we live our life and talk about and rejoice in Christ, as well as the multiple pictures of Him around our home. It’s been a remarkable experience and I would highly recommend it! Feel free to e-mail me for more details if it’s something you are interested in.
Angie, we must be on the same wave length. Now get on over to my latest comment on my controversial post and tell me what you think about dance, pornography, and young boys. I am seriously so curious!
I think my view of Louisiana was definitely tainted by how trying that time was for our family. There are great people there and I miss it. Can you believe I am saying that. I am pretty sure I declared to anyone that would listen, including perfect strangers in line at the grocery store, “I can’t wait to get out of here. I just need to get out of here!”
It wasn’t easy being stuck there trying to sell the house while hubby was here. That 6 months was especially difficult. Pile on the work stuff, financial stuff, child injury stuff, and well I just might check into the psych ward just thinking about it. Yep, many contributing factors made it seem like purgatory, in fact, it was quite nice. Maybe you had something to do with that. It was a great ward, as have all been on some level or another. The quirks are sometimes frustrating at the time, but hindsight and absence definitely make the heart grow fonder and remember the best stuff.
Just don’t ever forget your ghetto ways of hanging out in your ‘garage living room’ with the door open, okay. Ahh, I really do miss being able to hang with you and your family.