The Very Best Thing About Women

One of the saddest Facebook status updates of the month (you know, after things like cancer updates, car accidents, ebola, world hunger, GoFundMe requests, and people uploading photos of their stitches) was this:

Nothing helps a women feel her best than [sic] a great pair of heels, a sexy dress, and flawless makeup.

That pretty much sums up my life value and mood litmus test. You, too?

All About That Base perpetuates stereotypesThe saddest part was that the near-middled-aged women who wrote it was utterly serious. Looking like a hottie is pretty much the #1 way for women to feel awesome.

Given that cute female fact, the latest feminist fad has been to prove that all of us are always hotties — no optic inequality here! — thus proving we all have (the only apparently available form of) female power.

We are hot; all is well with the world.

Not an Anthem

While in this pseudo-suffragette mode, Meghan Trainor released the latest body acceptance and self-love strain, All About That Bass. Other's have called the catchy, torch melody a “feminist anthem,” but I keep wondering if any of them have actually listed to the lyrics. 

Let's parse a few:

Yeah, it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two
But I can shake it, shake it
Like I'm supposed to do

Women — big, small, and in between — can fulfill the purpose of their creation by wagging their body parts while others watch. Boom chicka boom. Wah wah.

‘Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
And all the right junk in all the right places

Boys like fat in certain places and if you have your fat distributed appropriately you'll be pursued by boys. Come and get it.

If you got beauty, beauty, just raise 'em up
‘Cause every inch of you is perfect
From the bottom to the top

And if you don't have beauty, beauty? Which, I suppose, would be having junk in the right places? Then sucks for you, sugar. Keep 'em down, down.

Yeah, my mama she told me don't worry about your size
She says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night.”

You're lovable if you're fat because (some) boys like fat and (some) boys like a big backside in bed. Whew, you're still OK! Keep breathing!

I'm bringing booty back
Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that
No I'm just playing. I know you think you're fat
But I'm here to tell ya
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

“Skinny bitches” no longer rule because they don't have enough booty junk going on back there at the stern. Plus you're 100% perfect (if you've got your (excessive?) fat in the right places), so…woman power and self-esteem boost! Woot! Woot!

Do Over

Fads come and go. Curvaceous is in and then emaciated it in. Would that people trying to write a “universal message to appreciate your ‘booty'” were old enough (or well-read enough) to know that.

If we want women to be empowered, we should move beyond the incivility of placing their value on their bodies and on how those bodies please others. We are more than objects to be admired.