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An anonymous sister writes:
How involved should a good parent be in the amount of eye makeup a teenager wears?
Kathy says:
The reader's daughter is 14 and her mom is wondering how young is too young and how much is too much.
14 seems young to me. I thought 14-year-old girls wanted to look like they harbor great disdain for anything that might call attention to themselves. That shows you how much I know!
It has been 15 years since my daughter was 14. All I remember clearly about her evolving use of cosmetics is buying her cute Avon things for little girls, mostly because it was so much fun to have a daughter to buy them for, and partly to support my best friend who was also my Avon Lady.
I do remember making her a little tote for her Book of Mormon and marking pencils when she was eight years old, which she opted to use for her stash of play make-up instead. I might have viewed that switcheroo with alarm, but I thought of it as a charming joke on me instead.
We were lucky. She has always loved the church, admired her youth leaders tremendously, emulated the finest of the young women who were a year or two older, and chose to look like a young woman who loved and lived the values.
If, at 14, she had wanted to play around with major glops of lavender or lurid green or neon blue eye shadow, I would probably have smiled and bought her a kit of crazy, glittery, colors and made her a couple of outfits to match. If she had chosen to do the full-scale gothic thing with a Marilyn Manson look (maybe it would have been Twisted Sisters back then) I would have been very concerned about her reason for this choice.
To me it is a feeling of either positive or negative exploration, and I would be hard-pressed to tell you the difference, except for the promptings of the spirit.
I have always told the young girls I teach, and my beautiful daughter, that they have, without a spec of makeup, the look that we old bats pay hundreds of dollars trying to copy. Many of us who have unlimited budgets for such things pay far, far more than that.
A 14-year-old girl has it for free, just by staying clean and healthy. Why disfigure the flawless satin skin of a perfect little rosebud face by hiding it under a bunch of layers of old lady stuff? That has seemed to make sense to the little folks with whom I have had the privilege of associating. It would be impossible to express adequately my gratitude for my daughter's leaders, peers, and associates who influenced her far more than I could have. Honestly, I'm not sure how I would have reacted if my girl had chosen a different look and chosen to defy me if I had tried to coax her in a different direction.
I would welcome comments from moms, including teachers, leaders, aunties, big sisters, grandmas, and all women of influence—who are certainly mothers in the divine sense—who have dealt successfully with this issue. I also asked my own consultant, Jinine Martin, a seasoned marketing executive for a large national bank and a Mary Kay consultant, how she handles this issue when it surfaces with her clientele.
Jeannie says:
Whoa! I am the lady who, at age 14, was sporting death-white lipstick and enough eye make-up to pass for Cat Woman or Alice Cooper (remember him?). Having a strong sense of wanting to “belong” and make a statement at the same time, I became a very willing victim of the styles of the late 60's. Except for guidelines about short skirts, the church left other issues of personal grooming (avoid extremes) to personal discretion. My parents made a few comments, but I remember receiving only a little guidance in this area (which I very obviously ignored).
Because I reared to maturity only young men, makeup was never an issue. [Editor's note: Jeannie, this is no longer a given!] However, black clothing, skater's baggies, and other transient fads roosted on our doorstep many times. I think the principle of guidance in these areas is the same.
Sometimes children feel the need to explore their identity and try on many pairs of figurative shoes before they find the ones that fit. Experimenting with different styles is part of that discovery process. Our policy was open communication, a fair dose of tolerance, trust, and humor.
I can remember saying over and over to myself, “OK, Jeannie don't overreact…don't overreact” when my kids would come up the stairs sporting black from head to foot, a la “The Cure.” That lasted for nearly three years.
My husband and I would joke that my children were mourning their dorky parents. Intuition told us both that “this too, shall pass,” and it did. However, we did intercede with some “tough love” if these trends were harmful, extreme, or permanent.
Makeup is thankfully, in most cases, not permanent. A mother whom I greatly respect and admire, made wearing makeup a “coming of age” celebration. When her girls reached the appropriate age, she would take them to lunch and then to a professional make-up artist. Together, they would help her choose the look that was best suited to her coloring and age. It wasn't expensive, was a coveted event, and became a tradition in the lives of all her girls.
Trust intuition. If some real red flags are on the rise, if the look is leading the child to identify with dangerous or radical groups, careful monitoring or counseling may be necessary. Otherwise, a word here, a suggestion there, and a mantra of “don't overreact …don't overreact” will be a source of guidance for them and sanity maintenance for parents.
Alison says:
OK. I'll confess. I am the one who submitted the eye shadow question! So, obviously, I don't have much input on the subject. Perhaps more important is the fact that my oldest child (of four daughters and one son) is only 14 so my “advice” is not yet tested for soundness or long-lasting positive effect.
I have four issues at play:
- I believe that modesty is more than just covering up the “swim-suit area.” I believe that makeup, hair, style, etc., all contribute to modesty.
- I know that our appearance can greatly effect how others treat us and how we are perceived in society (i.e. what kind of character we have, what group we fit into, what our values are, etc.).
- I know (at least intellectually) that control and decision-making should be, gradually, turned over to growing children so that they can learn and mature in a safe environment.
- Older siblings can greatly influence younger siblings. Sometimes the older ones pull themselves out of a nose-dive, but the younger ones following suit don't get their acts in gear soon enough to avoid disaster.
My most recent plan—after a few months of battling the excessive eye shadow issue—was to tell my daughter that a 14-year-old is old enough to determine how much she wears. I decided to remove myself from the issue.
I would still, however, certainly appreciate hearing a variety of points of view from those who believe, in hindsight, that they were too strict and those who believe they were too lenient.
I realize that this is a less-than-earthshaking topic, but I'm sure there are other fairly-new-to-teenage-parenting moms who will appreciate the insights!
Alison Moore Smith is a 61-year-old entrepreneur who graduated from BYU in 1987. She has been (very happily) married to Samuel M. Smith for 40 years. They are parents of six incredible children and grandparents to two astounding grandsons. She is the author of The 7 Success Habits of Homeschoolers.
Jinine writes:
Regarding how much makeup the reader’s fourteen-year old should wear, and how to manage the possibility of a difference of opinion: wearing make up is definitely a sign whereby young girls can show the world that they are growing up. Our society has made make up fun and creative. So, naturally 14-year-olds can’t wait to experiment. It is important for moms to address make up early on (way before 14) and to be there to teach girls the proper use of makeup. Left on their own, young girls will lean toward too much.
If a mom is uncomfortable about teaching makeup, she can rely on the help of a beauty consultant, sales people at the make up counters in department stores, or a friend who is more knowledgeable.
At 14, girls can experiment with fun lip-glosses and nail polishes in a variety of colors. More than that is probably too much. Moms should emphasize that “less is more” and that looking natural is beautiful.
If struggles pursue, perhaps young girls could be allowed to wear more makeup (such as eye shadow and blush) for special occasions.
Maurine Proctor writes:
As a mother of six daughters, I wanted to chime in on this one. It has been a great concern for me the speed with which children are expected to grow up in our culture. In fact, the 8-to-12 age group has a new name given them by Madison Avenue. They are the “tweens,” and considered a prime audience to woo to buy consumer goods. In the weekly Advertising Age magazine that used to come to our home, I was appalled at the callousness with which advertisers were going after my daughters especially trying to win them to their need for makeup and other goods that would accelerate their growing up without any reference to whether it was good for them.
Seventeen magazine (which, of course, is designed to appeal to girls much younger than 17) often sports covers that portray teenage girls as heavily made-up seductresses. The models often appear to be no more than little girls dressed up, but the message is startingly clear. [Editor’s Note: I higly recommend that you look elsewhere for a fashion mag for your teen. I don’t know where else, but Seventeen is not the place unless you think “emergency contraception” is an important area in which to educate your teens and hope they are modeling anorexic stars who have just been released from drug rehab.]
I sometimes wonder just who is pushing young girls to take on the costumes of maturity so soon, and what will they lose if they do? What kind of marvelous learning and experience is cut short when our youngest adolescents are conditioned (usually by the media and their peers) to look like they are five years older than they are.
I have truly hoped my daughters would take a different set of cues about how to grow up than what is given them from this mass popular culture. Childhood can still be and must be an irreplaceable, protected time from the influences of Babylon. Too often our young girls become caught up in a self-absorption about their looks and an aping of the world, that is truly detrimental to the expansive growth of their souls and minds.
What if they want to wear makeup earlier than I think is suitable? I choose my battles carefully, trying to determine what this mode of self-expression really means. But when it comes down to what I encourage, it is never to rob them of their youth by encouraging them to become something they aren’t yet grown up.
Spot on, Maureen. Perhaps this is a time to look at what we do (and what we do not do) as Young Women leaders. Are we having a disproportionate number of activities that stress makeovers and clothing? Even if we are promoting modesty, are we overpromoting outward appearance?
And dating! There are so many stinking lessons on dating and preparing for marriage in our curriculum that it would (and does!) make the girls who are smart enough to realize that serious dating in high school is stupid ?stupid! “Wow, what’s wrong with me? Everyone is so into boys and dating. I’m not ready for all of that ?”
Julie from Nampa, Idaho, writes:
I have a daughter who will be 16 in April. She is a beautiful girl (says mom) and she has worn make up since she left the 6th grade. When she first started, she was limited to blush, mascara, and lip gloss. She practiced all summer and I thought she did a great job. I had acquired a Victoria Jackson Video about skin care and makeup application. I think my daughter watched it at least 5 times and practiced more and more. By the time she started 7th grade, she had the whole routine down. All the while she would ask for my opinion on different techniques of application.
Now she is in the middle of the 10th grade and she looks good. She has gone through phases where I have thought that the eye-liner was a bit heavy, or the eye shadow was a little much. I just give her a brief comment about what I think and then she either changes it or she doesn’t.
I believe the best way to deal with this is through a third party. Is there a sister in your ward that sells make-up? Book a facial and let your daughter enjoy the expertise of someone other than Mom. Another option would be to go to a department store that sells up-scale cosmetics. They are happy to do facials also and, again, you have the opinion and advice of a third party. Unless your daughter is very drastic in her make-up, I wouldn’t get too excited about it. Her peers will critique her every day. If she is out of bounds, they will let her know. Pick your battles and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Krystyna from Garden Valley, California, writes:
I am a 15-year-old girl, and I don’t wear makeup because I believe that Heavenly Father has made each of us pretty in our own special ways. I also don’t wear makeup because I want the “world” to know me for me, and not for some colors on my face.
Dear Krystyna:
Pretty cool that you feel this way and I’m so glad you responded to the column. Heavenly Father certainly did give each of us something different and special. This sets us apart from every individual in the world; and you’re so right: It’s this that the world should see.
Thanks for writing.
Heather from Mesa, Arizona, writes:
Having four daughters of my own and several step-daughters, this question has come up many times. With all my daughters, I tried to start them slowly. A little lip gloss and powder, then light eye shadow and mascara.
Becoming a Mary Kay consultant a few years ago gave me a little more ammunition for skin care and appropriate application of color. Dad has also become an integral part of the approval process, as has my 17-year-old son, of his 14-year-old sister. Sometimes the latter is a bit too much of a critic. My 14-year-old comes to me, and especially to my husband, to ask how her makeup looks. She has become very conscious of how she looks when going out, and Dad’s opinion is very important.
My 17-year old son has also become very conscientious in his skin care and has been a great example of keeping it clean. I have found that trying to force them, of course, never works. But an understanding of what looks good and what enhances their beauty has been of utmost importance in dealing with this issue.
Thanks for your input, Heather. I really like the notion of dad as final arbiter. I often teased my kids that I had assigned a sibling to raise them. We especially had fun with this when the “raiser” was younger than the “raisee.” But it did give everyone an opportunity to ask themselves what they would do if they were the parent. It does help them explore their values. It was fun when my daughter asked for permission to attend an activity, and I could say “Mark, you are now raising your sister. Can she go?” Marky could then say, appalled, “Absolutely not. She is flunking algebra.” She could then say, “Good call, math man. I will need you to tutor me this evening. I have twelve story problems.” Ha ha!! Touché!!
Oris from Ocean Side, California, writes:
I would ask why the young lady of 14 wants to wear makeup. Is it to attract the attention of young men or to fit in with the other girls? Look at these other young people that the young lady wishes to attract or be like and then determine for yourself what is best. Then communicate this to your daughter in a positive way.
I thought a good lesson on this might be to show a cute fly made of styrofoam balls, etc., leaning against a garbage can and also a honey bee, very similar in construction, bending over a flower. Then point out that when you go fishing you use the bait appropriate to what you wish to catch. The fly, of course, is not particular where it goes and what it is attracted to. The honey bee, to the contrary, is very particular.
The results of the fly’s efforts are nothing more than a lot of little flies content with the same environment as their parent. The honey bee, to the contrary, produces something precious to all in a carefully constructed home with other bees of a like mind.
Thanks for your ideas, Oris. They triggered so many thoughts.
I have served in the Young Women program for many years. I just moved from Florida where we had an astounding number of youth who were brand-spanking-new converts. Many of the principles of modesty and virtue are new to them and they absolutely need, as you said, to be taught explicitly that some things are good and some are garbage. I think we have a tendency to be so careful to avoid offense that sometimes we’re afraid to call a spade a spade. There is much garbage out there, and there is much goodness. And helping our youth to distinguish between them is an important cause.
Linda from Brainerd, Minnesota, writes:
I just had to respond to this great article. What wonderful advice!!
I am the mother of six sons and two daughters (both girls are married and now young moms themselves). I remember those years of makeup and questionable clothing very well. As my girls began to experiment, we had occasional discussions about whom they were trying to emulate and whom they were trying to impress. Usually the discussion came back to boys. They wanted to be attractive. They wanted to be thought of as acceptable when the boys looked at them. So the discussion would turn to what kind of reaction they wanted to evoke in these boys who looked at them. These opportunities to teach are priceless. And all it usually takes is a closeness to the Spirit, a lot of love, and endless understanding and patience.
I feel very fortunate because both of them have always had very high self-esteem and a close relationship with their Savior. Neither has ever tried to “re-invent” herself, because she already knew who she was.
Margo from Layton, Utah, writes:
I have raised six daughters (and no sons) and was concerned about the deception that I had heard about so much in the junior high and high schools. Girls were going to school looking like “daddy’s little girl” and then promptly changing their outfits and putting on all the makeup that made them so much more attractive to the boys. Then, just before they would go home, they would change back so that they were acceptable for their parents.
Somehow, before the oldest went to junior. high, I stumbled on the idea to allow my girls to wear either lipstick or blush (but not both) when they entered seventh grade. I’m not exactly sure how I came up with the blush/lipstick choice but once the daughter had made the choice, she had to stick with it for the year so it was seriously considered and all the sisters had lots of free advice to share with each other. It all seems kind of silly now, but in talking with the girls (20 ?30 years old now), it must have triggered in them a good feeling of “belonging” with the school group and our relationships didn’t suffer either.
In the eighth grade, my daughters could wear any kind of make-up. BUT and this was a serious but I didn’t supply them with their makeup so they were pretty much on their own. I have always worn make-up myself and so they usually came to me for advice and never seemed to be offended if I asked them to tone down their makeup. Consequently, the girls didn’t wear much makeup at all because they couldn’t afford it and, if they did, they knew that I was still watching what they were wearing.
Now I have some daughters that wear makeup and do it very well and, also, I have a couple that are what you would term “granola” because they rarely put any makeup on at all. So it seems to have worked out. I’m afraid we as mothers are our own worst enemy; we want our girls to have the very best of everything (acceptance especially) and sometimes we just give them too many privileges too soon. It is always a dilemma but the saying “less is more” surely applies here.
An anonymous reader from Arizona, writes:
As a teenager I must have been a little like Jeannie I guess, probably sporting more makeup than grace. Ha ha! We must have had similar tastes, for I remember my mother being appalled at my makeup and she must have been right because currently I am not what you would call “loving” my teenage photos. Today I wear almost no makeup, because of physical limitations and sensitivities.
At this time in my life I also have a 14-year-old daughter and our interest in this subject is to say the least “fascinated.”My daughter is “beautiful” and not just by mom’s standards. One of her challenges is that she has been told this since she was very young, by everyone! She is tall, well shaped, has flawless skin and wonderful features. She is constantly told what a beautiful young lady she is. Still she is fairly unspoiled by her own beauty and does a good job with her current makeup guidelines, which we created together.
This is how we came to that understanding. First we sat down together at about ten years of age and put it all on the table. We asked questions like: “When do you think you should wear make-up? When do I think you should? How much? What kind?” etc. Then we started to make decisions. Each of us had to make concessions. All in all neither of us was completely satisfied at the time. Then we too enlisted the aid of professionals. Every few months since then we have trotted out our “guideline agreement” and revisited them, generally that means enlisting help again.
Since she was very young [she has been blessed] to help her to see herself clearly in the mirror. Not just her face, but all of herself. I believe this has helped too. She always wears modest clothing and tries to be a good friend. This includes being a good example to her friends, as she tends to be looked up to by even some of the older girls who are not as comfortable in their own bodies.
We often look at pictures of the women we both admire and see if there are ideas we can take from them. My daughter wears a lot of makeup, I suppose, for a 14- year old, but she has had good counseling in how to apply it and she does not look madeup, by anyone’s standards, at least none that I have heard about. Growing up is such an individual thing. Since I only have one daughter, we have many times talked about the need to be successful at our relationship, because I only have one chance to be a good mom to a daughter and she only has one chance to be a good daughter to a mom!
All in all I truly believe that, like most things in life, this “makeup thing” is a journey. It doesn’t have to be a journey through a desert full of harshness and pain though. It can be a lush journey, with a chance to smell beautiful flowers, and feel the soft raindrops of a tropical forest. Whatever your choice of makeup journey don’t forget that you can have so much fun sharing it together, if you will work at it ?together.
Talk about functional communication! What a wonderful way to contract positive behavior. Obviously, you have made your daughter feel as if she not only has a voice, but is a partner in these decisions. This kind of negotiation does not just “happen.” Years of careful nurturing and open conversation have led you both to this “round table.” I’m so glad you took the time to share this approach and just know it will be beneficial to those sisters with daughters in this tender stage of blossom. Thank you so much.
Dana from Hyrum, Utah, writes:
This rule worked well for both of my daughters: You may wear as much make-up as you want to as long as I can’t see it! What began as a joke has taught them to use make-up to enhance their natural beauty.
Carrie writes:
Thank you for all the ideas. My daughter is 13 and her father thinks I am holding her back by not teaching her about things such as how to dye her hair, the different types of high heels, the different styles and colors of “fancy” nylons (what’s wrong with good ol’ suntan?), and of course how to wear and apply makeup. My husband is the only member on his side, but his family is really close-knit. They think nothing of giving us “how to raise your children” ideas, and my husband in turn always points out how our nieces always look dressed up and our daughter looks like a tom boy (which she is).
She has two older brothers she loves to compete with! We didn’t have any trouble from his family until recently, because my husband’s job had us living in several different states; but now we are “home,” all of a sudden I am being told I don’t know how to raise my own daughter.
I am having a hard time stressing the standards when his family always downs my daughter’s clothes by saying things such as, “Knee length or longer dresses are for old people,” or “One piece swim suits are for babies,” and “It’s hot outside there is nothing wrong with sleeveless shirts or tube tops or short shorts. Sleeves during the summer are for ‘dorks!'” etc.
My sisters-in-law and my mother-in-law all wear tube tops and very short shorts. It is hard to stress church standards when my husband was not raised with these guidelines. Our three kids are now teens and their dad wants them to fit in and they don’t ?according to his family.
Maybe you can gently remind your husband that modest styles are not only your standards, but the Lord’s through a prophet. If he has concerns about this, he could certainly be urged to pray for confirmation and/or speak with his priesthood leaders on the subject. You need some support. Have you read the pamphlet For the Strength of the Youth together?
I would also suggest asking your daughter how she feels about this pressure. I would count it a true blessing that she is a bit of a tomboy (in view of all the familial input) and allow her some freedom of expression. If that means not being dressed in heels and mini-skirts, your husband may have to retreat and accept the fact that she would be uncomfortable with such trappings. Could this be your daughter’s way of making a statement against family pressure?
Would there be a possibility of sitting down together at some point, to explain why we dress modestly (i.e. it is part of our religious beliefs)? I doubt that his sisters and mom would make fun of someone because they didn’t eat meat or attended church on Saturday. Nor would you make fun of them or call them “dorks” for what they believe. Perhaps, with some help from the Holy Ghost, you would be presented with a teaching moment that would foster a better understanding of your position on this issue.
Good luck.
Along with Jeannie’s always-grand advice, I add that you could point out to your husband that modesty is his standard as well!
Ronda from Spokane, Washington, writes:
I think that Carrie needs to stand firm on the standards of the church with the non-member family members. They can raise their children as they want, but she is doing what the prophet has counseled us.
I know from personal experience that when you marry a non-member, the biggest battles are with their family. They don’t understand and prefer to ridicule you about your beliefs. Stay firm in the gospel. The rewards are eternal.
Gerry writes:
Someone mentioned being tanned as a good look and I just wanted to caution against too much tanning and sun burning. Especially if the girls are blue eyed and fair skinned. Melanoma cancer incidents are rising dramatically and too much sun exposure seems to be one of the reasons. I just lost my daughter at 29 after five years of treatments and surgeries.
Oh Gerry, I’m so sorry. My heart just thudded onto the floor reading your note. Thank you very much for this alert. It is something we all know or should know, but tend to completely ignore until our lives are impacted. Thank you for sharing this important advice publicly in spite of your private grief.
Martha Mendez from Chicago, Illinois, writes:
I’m 19 years old. I think that if your daughter starts to want to wear make up you shouldn’t right away say no because that will just make her want to wear it even more. Instead, first set the boundaries. Let her know what is and isn’t acceptable for you. Than support her by teaching her how to apply it and which colors are right for a girl her age. That way you can still have control of the situation.
Martha, I think you are right on. We were really surprised at the number of responses we received to this column. But I completely agree with you; it’s kind of silly for make-up issues to turn into gorilla warfare. Thanks for visiting Mormon Momma. Hope you will enjoy the site and comment often.
Addendum from Alison:
Four years later, I am thrilled to report that once I laid off my daughter’s eye shadow, it took only about six weeks before it markedly diminished never to resurface as even so much of an annoyance. She has, ever since, really been a minimalist, using makeup very reasonably. She looks beautiful and has been a great model for her younger sisters who have, I am again happy to report, followed suit.
Mostly.
That’s my experience. Everyone has to go through a primping experimental phase, complete with horrid mistakes. I remember one school picture of me with yellow, blue, green and pink eyeshadow. After that experimental phase, most learn what looks good and that natural is better.
Others never learn that and are still wearing bright blue eyeshadow when they’re seventy.
What a fun and interesting discussion.
Brigham Young said, when asked his opinion of makeup for women, “Even a BARN looks better with a little paint!” I haven’t worried too much about it since then. We have six daughters. I told them what Brigham Young said and emphasized the word “little.” Then they were free to choose. Our daughter who has a serious mental illness sometimes wore some pretty garish makeup. We talked to her about it, and nothing changed. We let her decide. She eventually learned to tone it down quite a lot. With her, it was definitely a matter of “choose your battles.”
We allow the other girls to wear a “little” makeup when they are twelve. At 14 they are pretty much on autopilot, and we emphasize modesty. They’ve done a good job of making themselves look pretty, although the 14 year old wears more black eyeliner than I would choose for myself. People always tell me how beautiful they are. (And then they look at me and wonder if they are adopted. . .) I spend a lot of time talking to them gently about choosing to be beautiful on the inside, too–and they are. They have developed thoughtful testimonies, and they are kind to everybody (except their siblings! We’re working on that.) I am grateful we’ve had such an easy time of it.
Have to tell you, though. My second daughter (as a teenager) surprised us by becoming good friends with a very intelligent girl who wore Goth makeup, dyed her hair black and orange, wore very strange clothes, and claimed that she was a practicing witch. She had trouble written all over her. (I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS FOR EVERYBODY IN EVERY SITUATION!) This girl came from a troubled home, and she was starved for love. I was prompted by the Holy Ghost to not turn her away, but to love her and share the gospel with her. We welcomed her into our home. I hugged her every time she came in, and she called me mom for many years. She had scripture study with us and knelt with us in family prayer many times. We invited her to hear the missionary discussions, which she politely declined, but she loved being in our home and with our family. It kind of blew my daughter’s plan for rebellion out of the water, because we accepted her friend, but the fruits have been sweet over the years. Now my second daughter is a mother herself and a faithful member of the Church. Her friend no longer wears Goth makeup, but she too has married and started a family. I don’t know if she still practices witchcraft; I do know that she never joined the Church. I do know that if I see her downtown, even now, she will yell “Mom!” and run across the street to hug me and ask about our family. A few years ago, she gave me a stained glass window hanging that had a little phrase about a forever family. I have never been sorry for following the Spirit on that matter. (Nor can I say that we never had any problems because of the difference between her beliefs and our beliefs, but everything worked out.)
I love you davidson. you are the kind of mom that I want to be when my girls are faced with that kind of thing! it makes my heart warm to know that there are mothers out there that will accept others’ children as children of God.
(My parents always “brought home strays” as I called it. I was a stray myself!)
Well, ladies, this information has been invaluable. I have 3 daughters, 8, 5 and nearly 2. My 8 year old hates her eyebrows, is growing out her bangs and wants to watch and read anything teen. Well, I have let her grow her bangs even tho they are hanging in her beautiful eyes, and the eyebrows? Well, I told her that was the easiest and the first thing we can do toghether – albeit a bit painful. So, the makeup thing, I have let them play with my makeup forever, even my nearly 2 yo gets into it and as long as she doesn’t make a huge mess, it is okay. So, now my sweet daughters will know how to apply when the time comes. I am so relieved to hear it is usually around 12! I know that those years will be tough as she is as stubborn as I, but feel so blessed to be able to share my enjoyment of makeup! Thank you all!
I’d love to share my teen eyebrow stories, but both my teens are behind me, so I have to wait until the cover of dark allows me to divulge all their secrets. :devil:
I love you, too, Kiar. I have, right from the beginning. That was cute, “brought home strays!” I like your parents already. Aren’t we all “strays”, in one way or another?
I have learned that some of the nicest people I ever met I might have dismissed because their appearance was different from mine! This “Goth Girl” Amber fell in that category, and she has been a good friend to our family for many years.
Our rule, and I was the oldest of five girls. Shaving and nail polish at twelve, lipgloss and eyeshadow at 14. Some of us took off with it others didn’t/ I was one that makeup now still is a pain, and I only put it on for pictures and special events. My husband met me that way and so there were no surprises come wedding night and “it” all washes off. I think if moms and leaders help teach girls how to use it correctly, that it is an enhancer not a mask that the issue would dissolve itself, but that is my opinion.
My mother took me out to the store one day, and told me we weren’t going anywhere until I agreed to buy some make up and wear it. I was … 16? I think? Around there anyway.
Since I was forced into it, I started wearing it, but I hated it, and I went without make up anytime I could get away with it. My mom gave up pretty quickly. I was very shy back then :shamed: and wearing make up felt like attracting attention to myself, which was the last thing I wanted to do. It made me feel like a clown, too! 😉
I’ve only just recently started wearing make up regularly, and it’s only happened because I’m finally starting to look my age. :tooth: My hair is starting to gray, my skin texture has gone all nasty all of a sudden, my lips have lost their color and I look like an old lady!! I find that wearing a little lipstick (the 8 hour kind because I don’t have the patience to fuss with fixing lipstick every few hours) and using a mineral powder foundation does wonders in repairing my looks. I’ll wear a little eyeshadow when I want to dress up, but that’s it. No eyeliner or mascara (they irritate my eyes terribly), no blush (if anything I incline to redness), no eyebrow tampering, or lipliner or any of the other accessories. (And I’ve found that Oil of Olay is a wonderful thing for my skin texture!)
My daughters are fascinated with the whole process, drat it. I keep telling them that make up is for old ladies like me who are trying to look like we are still as young and beautiful as girls are, but they don’t believe me. I swear, they’re convinced that they’ll magically turn into princesses if they just can get their eager little hands on Mommy’s make up! :rolling: