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You've all heard the phrase “fake it 'til you make it.” But you might be surprised that there is something to it. 19th century psychologist taught about the “act as if” principle.

If you want a quality, act as if you already have it.

I discovered the validity of this principle entirely by accident when I was a freshman in college.

Due to years of bullying and put downs, I had an internal picture of myself that I couldn't shake. No matter what I accomplished, no matter who my friends were, no matter how many tiaras I had on my shelf, no matter how many dates I went on, I still felt like an insecure, terrified, fat, freckled, bespeckled, red-headed goon.

One day, I sat in my health class in the Richards Building, listening to Professor Coon drone on about physiological something or other. Suddenly—while eyeing a cute boy on the row in front of me—it occurred to me that I was exhausted. I was exhausted from the years of self-doubt and self-loathing. I was tired of being self-conscious in every situation. I was sick of being so freakishly worried about what others thought that I missed opportunities and lost chances.

It was that very moment that I became so sick of it all, that I had no choice but to change everything about my life. The only problem was that I didn't really know how.

I knew I didn't want to be who I was…because I had become someone who wasn't me. I had spend so many years trying to wear the right things and say the right things and do the right things so that I would be accepted, that no one really knew who I was…least of all me!

But I had no clue how to become who I wanted to be. I wanted to be myself—with my real thoughts and feelings and opinions—but with confidence and happiness and fearlessness. Or at least something approaching that.

For the next couple of days, I puzzled over the situation. How do you find the courage stop pretending to be someone you're not? How do you gain confidence? What does confidence even look like?

In the end, the only thing I could think of was to act like I was happy and confident. So, I looked around at people who looked confident—whether they really were or not I have no way of knowing—and tried to mimic them. I held my head high, walked from class to class with intention and a spring in my step, smiled at people as if I assumed they would welcome it and smile back, and spoke up on occasion in classes or other groups.

It was a horribly painful experience. It was unnatural. I was sure everyone was staring at me and thinking I was a fool.

But after about a month, magic happened. I realized that I wasn't faking anymore. What had been so difficult had become natural and normal. No longer was I pretending to feel confident, I actually did feel confident.

I'm not going to pretend behaving as if something you want already exists is a magic bullet or that it will solve every problem. I'm also not trying to suggest that the speed or results will be the same for everyone. But I was shocked to find what an enormous difference this small, seemingly irrelevant, tactic made.

Next time you are looking for a character or personality change, try focusing your behavior in a way that reflects success in that endeavor. Sometimes that's all you need to reach your goal.

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Alison Moore Smith is a 61-year-old entrepreneur who graduated from BYU in 1987. She has been (very happily) married to Samuel M. Smith for 40 years. They are parents of six incredible children and grandparents to two astounding grandsons. She is the author of The 7 Success Habits of Homeschoolers.