My ward is humongous. Consequently, it's not often that I have the opportunity to give a talk. So that made it all the more amazing and tender-mercy-like to me when I was asked a couple of years ago to give a talk on Matthew 11:28-30 and a talk by Elder Nelson on the Savior as the Master Healer. Brother Bishopric Member suggested that I talk about finding rest and healing as a mother of young children (which all mothers know is one of the most exhausting phases of motherhood). But when I started preparing, that didn't click. I called to ask again what he thought I should focus on, and he said the same thing. I tried again. I tried approaching it even from a general-principles point of view, and hit a wall there, too. The Spirit was directing me to get personal about this talk. Once I accepted that, the talk flowed.
Given recent conversations we have had about how our trials can turn us to the Lord, I thought I would share what came to me as a gift (I have edited the talk slightly for sharing here).
There is little more that I crave for my mortal self than rest and healing. I have struggled with insomnia since I was a young child, and for the past five years, in addition to continued sleep issues, I have battled discouraging chronic (yet undefined/undiagnosed) health problems.
For me, these physical challenges have also sometimes taken an emotional and spiritual toll. The unrelenting discomfort and fatigue is discouraging, particularly because the demands of motherhood and homemaking are constant.
I have felt to share some personal lessons I have learned about finding rest and healing even when physical rest and healing are elusive. I hesitate to talk about my trials because I know they pale in comparison to many. Nevertheless, I know our trials are tailored to our growth, and I am learning and growing a lot from mine. I know the principles I will share are true. I hope, too, that I can more consistently apply these principles because I know my burdens are lighter when I do.
Elder Nelson says that “afflictions can come from spiritual as well as physical causes.” Chronic health problems are physically taxing, to be sure, but I have also suffered from fear, frustration, and feeling spiritually alone. This trial is giving me opportunities to deepen my faith, develop more patience, turn to the Lord more in thought and in action in short, to become more converted. Elder Nelson said, “Faith, repentance, a testimony and enduring conversion lead to the healing power of the Lord.”
This heavenly healing has begun to take place in my life. I would like to share some of the things that have opened up that healing ? that divine rest.
I find rest and healing when I understand and trust COMPLETELY in God's love for me.
The summer of 2005 was a dark time for me. At that time, I had the blessing of singing in a choir. I especially loved a couple of songs that we sang. Here are some of the words:
“What though my joys and comforts die, the Lord my Savior liveth. What though the darkness gather round, songs in the night He giveth. No storm can shake my inmost calm while to the Rock I'm clinging. While Christ is mine, and I am His, how can I keep from singing?” (Robert Lowry (arr. John Leavitt). “How Can I Keep From Singing?”)
And,
“The God of love my Shepherd is, and He that doth me feed. While He is mine and I am His, what can I want or need?” (George Herbert (arr. Roy Hopp). “The God of Love My Shepherd Is,” Kingston, NY: Selah Publishing Co. (1993).
At the beginning of the summer, I sang these songs with a desire to feel the truth of the words. By the end of the summer, I was able to sing with more conviction and testimony. I wish I could explain all the things that helped me gain a testimony of God ?s love; it was an amazing string of tender mercies. The Spirit helped me understand this doctrine in a significant and meaningful way. He has also helped me know of His love through many dear people around me. (President Kimball says that the Lord does notice us, but it is usually through other people that He meets our needs.)
Trials are not evidence of God ?s LACK of love. We need to trust that. He loves us perfectly, and knows what we really need, which is why sometimes we don ?t get what we think we need. As President Faust (quoting Dr. Arthur Wentworth Hewitt) said in Conference a while back, “God loves us more than He loves our happiness.”
When I really trust in God's love, my burdens are lighter, and I feel closer to Him.
The concept that God loves us more than He loves our happiness ties into my next point.
I find rest and healing as I seek to have an eternal perspective.
My dad has often said that “to struggle is the program.” Lehi taught there must be “opposition in all things.” Eve understood that the Fall and all its resulting pain and struggle were absolutely essential to gaining eternal joy. Our Father declared that the purpose of creating an earth was to prove us to see if we would do all He commands and expects.
Elder Scott sums it up well:
A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic obstacle. [Like a boulder!] Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective. Likewise, problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth. Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness.
You are here on earth for a divine purpose. It is not to be endlessly entertained or to be constantly in full pursuit of pleasure. You are here to be tried, to prove yourself so that you can receive the additional blessings God has for you. The tempering effect of patience is required. Some blessings will be delivered here in this life; others will come beyond the veil. The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you.
Elder Scott reminds us of the need for patience, and that some blessings we seek come beyond the veil (like a perfect body I look forward to the resurrection!!). He then talks about our divine purpose to be tried and tested and proven, and of how much the Lord wants us to grow. We will grow more when we willingly allow His tutoring in our lives, when we seek to understand and follow His will. Questioning His will or resisting unpleasant and painful challenges will make it harder for God to bless us.
I sometimes joke that I easily get my nose stuck in a tree and thus can't see the proverbial forest God wants me to see. A myopic focus on my trials instead of my eternal existence and purpose inevitably makes my burdens heavier. The Savior, whose role in the plan gives us the promise that all things will work together for our good if we are faithful, stands with open arms and yoked shoulders waiting to help me see the forest. But I have to choose to step back from the tree!
So, does the fact that I haven't been healed yet mean that priesthood blessings don't work or prayers aren't answered or that heaven doesn't care? Does it mean the Lord doesn't care about my children or my husband and how difficult this has at times been for them? NO. It just means that perhaps we have things still to learn. I testify to you that I am learning things that I don't think I would have learned had I had perfect health. I have seen blessings in my marriage and in our family because of this trial, our trial.
Elder Nelson said:
I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers [for healing] may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?' I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father ?s perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time.
At some point, we are, as President Benson said (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, p.206), all backed “against the wall of faith” faith in God's love; faith in God's plan, both on a grand scale and on a personal level (think of the Primary song, “I will follow God's plan for ME”); faith in His timing and His will; and faith that the Atonement of Christ truly will make all things better either in this life or the next.
The fear and worry with which I often struggle is dissipated if not eliminated with an eternal perspective and true trust in God. I am also able to be more patient in my trials knowing that “all things work together for good to those who love God” and “all these things shall give [me] experience and shall be for [my] good.” (See Doctrine and Covenants 122:4, 7 and Romans 8:28).
I hope for healing in this life. I really do. But, as Elder Wickman once talked about…”But if not”…I am seeking to trust in God and keep an eternal perspective, believing there really is purpose in these difficult experiences.
I find rest when I feast on the words of Christ, given to me through prophets, scriptures, the temple, and the Spirit.
One of the things I've noticed the past few years is that the prophets are really unapologetic about how hard life is. They remind us repeatedly that trials are simply part of the program. It's not that they are cold and uncaring about it, but they are just matter-of-fact and clear about the doctrine of our responsibilities and even opportunities in our trials.
I suppose that message has always been there, but I never really heard those messages like I have during these years of trial for me. Their words are a lifeline, helping me remember God's love and helping me keep an eternal perspective.
The scriptures and temple have also always been a source of strength for me, for they bring the Spirit the Comforter into my life in a powerful way, which brings me rest. And, of course, the Spirit can teach me things that help me in my difficult times.
I find rest when I have a spirit of gratitude.
This is something I am realizing I need to seek more in my life. Many in my ward family are teaching me about this, perhaps without knowing it. For example, it has been stunning to me to listen to and associate with women in my ward who are struggling with similar health challenges. These women have extremely tender hearts and focus deliberately and humbly and simply on being grateful. A spirit of gratitude can help ease my burdens and make them lighter.
Another line from the song I sang about God's love rings true: “Surely, this sweet and wondrous love shall measure all my days. And, as it never shall remove, neither shall my praise!”
Why is it that Nephi was able to praise God, even after being bound on the ship (and nearly killed at other times) by his own flesh and blood (1 Ne. 18:15-16)? Because, unlike Laman and Lemuel, who always found reasons to murmur, he “knew… the dealings of that God who created [him]” (1 Ne. 1:12) and humbly acknowledged God's goodness, even in His trials! (Think of his psalm; his gratitude helped him refocus and refuel.)
How often I have been like Laman and Lemuel, not remembering that even the fact that the air I breathe from day to day is a gift from God, let alone the many, many rich blessings I have in my life including the gospel, a righteous and loving husband, amazing children, a dear ward family. The list goes on and on.
With a spirit of gratitude, I am also more likely to notice the tender mercies that do come (probably more often than I realize), which reinforces my conviction that God does love me.
I find rest when I cling to my covenants when I stay yoked with Christ.
I think sometimes people think of this yoke of Christ as being restrictive or burdensome, but the Savior tells us otherwise in that scripture in Mathew: “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
If we bind ourselves and stay bound to Him through commitment to our covenants, His promise is to help us. He is bound when we do what He says (Doctrine and Covenants 82:10)!
George Q. Cannon said:
When we went forth into the waters of baptism and covenanted with our Father in heaven to serve Him and keep His commandments, He bound Himself also by covenant to us that He would never desert us, never leave us to ourselves, never forget us, that in the midst of trials and hardships, when everything was arrayed against us, He would be near unto us and would sustain us. That was His covenant. (Gospel Truth, Vol. 1, p.170)
I have always loved Mosiah 23 and 24, talking about Alma and his people and their deliverance from bondage. I love reading in chapter 24 about how the Lord heard their prayers, even when all they could do is pray in their hearts. I am also fascinated by the Lord's response in Mosiah 24:13-14:
And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
It was the people's covenant that caused the Lord to make a covenant to help Alma and his people bear their burdens and eventually to deliver them from bondage.
What I am realizing more and more, however, is that staying with Christ in the yoke requires serious commitment “serious discipleship,” as Elder Maxwell has said (this was a repeated phrase of his; see here for an example). This is not about flaky, fair-weather following. It's not about casual commitment, nor about whining all along the way that “my will be done.” This is about being stalwart and true to the faith that our forebears have cherished…and is about enduring ? and enduring well! (I ?m still working on that one! I like what is said by Joseph Smith (in the Church's movie about him) when asked what it means to “endure well.” He says, “We do our best and then we go on.”)
Staying in the yoke is also about being LIKE Christ being, as He said, meek and lowly in heart, being humble, submissive, obedient, patient and trusting. I find it interesting that the two characteristics the Savior uses to describe Himself in the scripture in Matthew are “meek and lowly in heart.” I think those characteristics were shown most in the times of His trials and suffering. We have the same opportunity.
Sometimes being in the yoke is about coming to understand some of what the Savior suffered. President Hunter said:
By taking the yoke of Jesus upon us and feeling what he felt … we learn most deeply of him, and we especially learn how to be like him
Being in the yoke is about being a committed Church member. Elder Holland says:
When we join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we board the Good Ship Zion and sail with her wherever she goes until she comes into that millennial port. We stay in the boat, through squalls and stills, through storms and sunburn, because that is the only way to the promised land. This Church is the Lord ?s vehicle for crucial doctrines, ordinances, covenants, and keys that are essential to exaltation, and one cannot be fully faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ without striving to be faithful in the Church, which is its earthly institutional manifestation. (Emphasis in original.)
Elder Holland also reminds us,
Christ said, ‘I am the true vine, and ? ye are the branches ? Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me' (John 15: 1–3). “Abide in me” is an understandable and beautiful enough concept in the elegant English of the King James Bible, but “abide” is not a word we use much anymore. So I gained even more appreciation for this admonition from the Lord when I was introduced to the translation of this passage in another language. In Spanish that familiar phrase is rendered “permaneced en mi.” Like the English verb “abide,” permanecer means “to remain, to stay,” but even gringos like me can hear the root cognate there of “permanence.” The sense of this then is “stay but stay forever.” That is the call of the gospel message… Come, but come to remain. Come with conviction and endurance. Come permanently, for your sake and the sake of all the generations who must follow you, and we will help each other be strong to the very end.
But what do we get for staying in that yoke, [for coming to remain]? We get the blessings President Cannon talked about. We have Someone to help carry our burdens. President Hunter said:
Why face life ?s burdens alone, Christ asks, or why face them with temporal support that will quickly falter? To the heavy laden it is Christ ?s yoke, it is the power and peace of standing side by side with a God that will provide the support, balance, and the strength to meet our challenges and endure our tasks here in the hardpan field of mortality.
What is most stunning about this metaphor is that the Savior is right by my side, if I will stay by Him through my faith and obedience and endurance. He is close. I picture Him ready and willing to give me helpful hints and encouragement along the way indeed, He does do that through His Spirit (the Comforter!!) Through the Spirit and His prophets, He can help me see things more as He does. If I am yoked with Him, my movements can be more in step with His. He may help me lengthen my stride when I'm struggling. He knows that the shortest distance between two points (where I am and where I want to be) is a straight line, even the strait and narrow path. Staying yoked with Him keeps me on that path and can help me avoid needless wandering.
I picture that He's not behind me, cracking a whip, nor ahead of me, waiting for me to figure things out on my own and to catch up so I can then receive His help and love. He is by my side, helping me carry my burden. All I need to do is trust in His love and His Atonement the reason I can have faith in Heavenly Father ?s plan ? and cling to truth and gratitude and covenants, and He will always be by my side!
I testify that these things are true. As I trust in God ?s love, try to have an eternal perspective, feast on the words of Christ, have a spirit of gratitude, and try to be more like the Savior by clinging to my covenants, the Spirit fills my soul with peace, rest and healing.
Elder Nelson says:
When sore trials come upon us, it ?s time to deepen our faith in God, to work hard, and to serve others. Then He will heal our broken hearts. He will bestow upon us personal peace and comfort. Those great gifts will not be destroyed, even by death.
Although I am still a long way from consistently implementing these truths, I am feeling the blessings in my life when I do. I know that the Savior is anxious to help us, but waits with open arms and yoked shoulders for us to come to Him, to stay next to Him and to thus be more “at-one” with God which at-one-ment IS the source of peace and rest.
—–
A few other talks about the Savior's healing power and grace:
From Elder Oaks
From Pres. Faust
From Sister Elaine Marshall (this was a BYU devotional that I found simply stunning)
Simply beautiful. I’m quite certain Michelle will end up linking this on her personal blog for all of the sisters in our ward who blog as a local community.
Michelle, this was simply beautiful. You have such a sweet and powerful testimony. And you quoted some of my favorite lyrics– (How Can I Keep From Singing) so you get double brownie points. 🙂 I would LOVE to have been in the congregation the day you gave this talk. The spirit is so strong just in reading it– but I’m sure it was filling the chapel and raising the ceiling when you delivered this marvelous testimony.
I truly LOVE this simple doctrine of trusting in the Lord and finding peace in Him, no matter what. There is more power than we comprhend in the combination of His love and our faith. Two of my all time favorite scriptures– short but magnificent, “Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted” and “Be still, and know that I am God”. Those two scriptures give me more peace than I could possibly express.
Have you ever sung “My Shepherd Will Supply My Need“? That’s another one that fits beautifully with your talk. The peace and comfort they give move me to tears everytime.
My Shepherd will supply my need
Jehovah is His Name
In pastures fresh He makes me feed
Beside the living stream
He brings my wandering spirit back
When I forsake His ways
And leads me, for His mercy’s sake
In paths of truth and grace
When I walk through the shades of death
Thy presence is my stay
One word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away
Thy hand in sight of all my foes
Doth still my table spread
My cup with blessings overflows
Thine oil anoints my head
The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days
O may Thy house be my abode
And all my work be praise
There would I find a settled rest
While others go and come
No more a stranger, nor a guest
But like a child at home
I am grateful if this was helpful to anyone else…it really was a gift, from the Giver of all that is good. 🙂
Tracy, those words (and, of course, the scriptures) are beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
MIchelle~
Thank you for your kindness & inspiration. What a beautiful perspective on life. I needed to be reminded of God’s love for me & how if I turn towards him vs. away, I will be better able to acknowledge his hand in my life. I know the Lord’s tender mercies are constantly dispensed to/for me, but it is my own blurred vision which fails to see them. The blurring comes from running too fast on life’s treadmill. Instead of having that leisurely ride, enjoying the scenery, I’m running to & fro, too busy to see the beauty.
I’m so sorry for your undiagnosed problems, wish I could help. It’s the not knowing that is so frustrating. I, too, went through a long drawn out espisode of poor health with no explanantion as to why or what was causing it. After many blessings & doctors willing to perservere (?), I was ultimately diagnosed with idiopathic gastroparesis. My stomach essentially stopped working i.e. I could eat but then the food would not empty out of my stomach. Ergo, no nutrients (fatigue, additional illnesses) & major weight loss. Yeah, I can hear everyone now saying, “I would love to have that problem” but when you look like you’ve just been released from a POW camp & don’t have the strength to lift your own head or to even get up to go to the bathroom, it’s not fun!
I learned many things from that experience & one was to never judge or think that someone has it easier than you. Or that the person suffering just needs to “buck up”. Boy, did I get humbled….
Again, thank you for your insights & love, and thank you for the references to additional articles…
spitfire, thank you for your kind words and for your empathy. Your struggles sound like they were tremendously difficult! Wow.
There is much that is difficult about chronic illness. Re-reading this talk (which, as is always the case, was more for me than anyone) has helped me refocus, because it’s easy to slip into the mode of ‘always forgetting’ instead of ‘always remembering.’ 🙂
It is late and I need to go to bed, but I read this and wow! I immediately linked it on my personal blog because there are so many of my friends/family with whom this will also resonate! I came back to comment, and only then read the comments… including the one from Ray [DH], who most definitely knows his wife well!
Thank you so much for sharing this talk and your experiences and testimony. I love Matt 11:28–30 and the hope and peace I find in that scripture. I am too tired to do justice in my comment for how much this has lifted and inspired and rejuvenated my hope and faith in the love of my Savior.
THANK YOU!
Thank you. Lovely, as usual!
Sweet Michelle. Thanks for a glimpse into your beautiful heart. It strengthens all of us. I can tell you have come to know the Master intimately, and I love that about you! I hope you will keep sharing your heart with us.
On Saturday as I prepared to fast, I wondered what I could possibly fast for. I have hit one of those plateaus in my life when everything is good! There are no emergencies just now, and the chronic problems have become, mercifully, through the goodness and help of our Lord, pebbles in perspective. I had just determined to fast in gratitude, when a divine suggestion came: “Fast for the Mormon Mommas; some of them need it.” So, (feeling worried for you!) I did fast for you, all of you, and also in gratitude for the rich multitude of blessings I have, among which you are counted. I don’t normally tell people the subject of my fasts, but I thought it might help you to know that Heavenly Father was thinking of you and is aware of your struggles and wants to see healing effected in your lives, if not the physical healing we crave, the spiritual and emotional healing that some, like Michelle, have already found. I will continue to pray for that. You are all so dear to me, each in your own particular way.
I want to share with you a sweet experience I had last night. There is a sister in our ward who is 90 years old. She recently went through a long battle with cancer, and finally, after months of treatments, they declared her “clean.” She then had carpal tunnel surgery, because she has spent decades crocheting things for her family and friends, and her poor little hands were just worn out from all that service. She had just recovered from that and was able to come to church for a few weeks. Then her doctors told her that the cancer was back with a vengeance, and she isn’t going to survive it this time. They aren’t going to do any more treatments, and she is going downhill rapidly.
I wondered what I could do. This has been a very cold, snowy winter in Idaho, and the prompting came to crochet an afghan for her. I was surprised. Afghans are big projects; the last one I crocheted took two years to complete in my spare time, and I doubt she will live through the month. But the Lord led me along and inspired me with a pattern that I could finish in the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I also crocheted a pair of slippers for her. Last night my husband and I took it to her. At first her daughter invited us into the living room and told us she was too sick to see us; but then she called from the bedroom for us to come back. She was a tiny skeleton in that big bed, hooked to tubes and wires, and she could barely keep her eyes open. I didn’t know what to say! I knelt by her, and the tears started streaming down my face in pity for her. And then she told me! “You don’t need to worry for me. No gloom here! I’ve lived a good life, and I am glad to go home. Heavenly Father is taking good care of me.” And you could tell she really meant it. There was a cheerful, determined patience about her. She was waiting for death the way some wait for a bus–no big deal!–with calm anticipation that soon she would be going where she needed to go. I’ve always wonder how these older ones handle it, waking up every morning to the thought, “Will this be the day that I die?” My husband and her son-in-law gave her a beautiful blessing, but it was just a blessing of comfort. It was apparent she wasn’t going to receive physical healing, and she didn’t seem to need spiritual healing; she was a spiritual athlete! We came away sustained and comforted, instead of providing sustenance and comfort. It has given me much to think about for a long time. I am so grateful for experiences like these; they shine a light on the path for me.
Michelle, if the Lord can’t provide physical healing for you right now, I will pray that you can at least get a diagnosis and that your pain can be as minimal as possible. Hugs to you.
I’m not adept at seeing all things well;
my eyes are only human in their scope,
and darksome though the glass may sometimes be
through which I see, in Thee I have my hope.
Although I’ve been myopic in my view,
may future works be witness of Thy ways,
my vision growing clearer cut and true,
and all my life one heartfelt song of praise!
that Thou, O Lord, might know my love for Thee,
at sightless times, as well as when I see.
(Wrote this several years ago; hope you don’t mind my sharing it.)
davidson, thank you for sharing that poem. It is lovely. And thank you for your fast. I am sure there are others who need the help more than I, but I will gratefully accept a portion of your faith to help me through this struggle. It’s an ongoing trial, and it’s little thoughts like yours that provide a boost of hope and a feeling of gratitude.
Michelle, Alison, thanks for your kind words.
I just wanted to chime in that I truly LOVED this talk. I found it very helpful to read your words, mlinford. Loved the Elder Nelson quote about when sore trials come upon us…to deepen our faith, work hard and serve. I can also testify his counsel is true!:bigsmile: