Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Laman: To usurp the authority of his older brother chickens and to take possession of their coop.
J. Golden Kimball: Why the hell else would he cross the road? To get to the other side, dammit!
Brigham Young: Because this is the right place in the road.
Paul H. Dunn: I remember one time when a chicken wandered into my foxhole on Iwo Jima…
Thomas: I don’t really believe the chicken crossed the road.
Noah: Are you sure there weren’t two chickens?
Lilburn W. Boggs: I don’t care which side of the road the chicken’s on, you have permission to kill it.
Elder’s quorum president: It was the 31st and he had to get his home teaching done.
Relief Society president: That’s where the refreshments were.
The Doctrine and Covenants: The duty of a chicken is to cross the road when there is no other poultry present.
Mark Hoffman: Would you like to buy the chicken’s original diary documenting his crossing of the road?
Lamoni’s servants: We don’t know why it crossed the road; all we know is its wings had been cut off.
Martin Harris: I have never denied seeing the chicken cross the road.
Temple Square guide: The acoustics are so good you can hear the chicken cross the road from any seat in the Tabernacle.
Cecil O. Samuelson: I’m not so much concerned that the chicken crossed the road but that its feathers were not knee-length.
Lorenzo Snow: As the egg is, the chicken once was; as the chicken is, the egg may become.
Gerald Lund: Not only did this chicken cross the road, but his whole family crossed the road as well. The grand, panoramic story of this chicken’s family will be told in my soon-to-be-released 36-volume set “The Cluck and the Glory.”