Haven ?t we each had times in our life where we can feel God ?s hand directing our actions? More even than our actions, at times I have felt him directing even those around me, like a symphony that He is orchestrating and conducting where all of the individual sounds come together to make something that sounds beautiful.
I don ?t always feel it – sometimes it seems that God will just let things go as they may, creating a cacophony of noise that really makes no sense. Other times, it seems more directed by a divine source. It ?s kind of like you feel out of control, but in a good way. This is exactly how I have been feeling lately.
Several months ago, a job transfer possibility came up in a place where my husband and I have often talked about living at some point. When he first told me the job was open, I was very excited and wanted him to apply. And yet, as we talked and prayed about it, we felt that it just wasn ?t the right time. The housing market is not great, we owe more on our home than it ?s currently worth — financially it just seemed like it was not the best time to move. We decided to let this opening pass us up, and not consider another opening for at least another year.
Imagine my surprise then, when not more than two weeks later, my husband was asked to relocate — to a place where we had never considered living. Had the opening been posted before we heard about it, we never would have even thought about applying. But somehow, from the beginning, it just seemed that it was the right thing, even though on paper there was no reason it would be a good decision. It was not necessarily the convenient thing, but we could feel the ultimate Conductor telling us it was time.
Since that time, it is amazing how things have fallen into place. There is no reason our home should have sold in less than a week, but it did. Homes all around us have been on the market much longer, and yet ours was the one ? for someone. The Conductor did not change the market for us — we are still losing money on this home. However, He wrote in other parts who would come in and support us to create a way to make this move happen as painless as possible for us. Money has come from unexpected places to make up the difference. An amazing deal in our new location fell into place in the nick of time. I can ?t even explain all of the little things that have come together. It has been a testimony to me that this move is supposed to happen.
Which begs the question — Why? Who really cares if we are here or there? Apparently, someone does. The three years we have lived in our current location, I ?ve wondered why. It hasn ?t been an especially happy place for me, I haven ?t felt like I was making a difference for anyone, nor that anyone really was impacting my life enough to make it worth the move. I did not have clarity on this issue until just this past Monday night. Some members of our ward hosted a family home evening for our going away, and person after person came up to my husband and told him how much he had done for them. I have seen great growth in my husband since we ?ve been here, and it ?s become apparent that others have needed him, and that ?s why we ?ve been here. God knew that my girls and myself could handle it, and that it was where my husband needed to be. Not that I haven ?t learned anything, or grown through the process, but I don ?t feel like I ?m the primary reason we were here.
Likewise, I don ?t know why at this time it ?s time to move on to somewhere else. Is my husband going to change the situation at his work enough to impact someone ?s life in a way no one else can? Do my girls need to be in this new place for some reason? Is it me who needs this time to grow? I have a few hunches, but when it comes down to it, I really don ?t know. Yes, I feel out of control, but in a good way.
In a few days we ?ll tune our instruments and start playing without necessarily knowing anything about the piece . It seems that my part is written for me, and I don ?t really how it will sound or even if I ?ll be able to play it well. But the One who wrote it knows, and He knows that even with bumps in the road, this is all going to come together to make something that sounds beautiful. And that ?s enough for me.