While purging my hard drive, I came across multiple files that had Christmas jokes. I do not know why I saved these. I plead the 5th. But here you are, for your holiday enjoyment. Or something.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.
Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
A: Santa clues!
Q: What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow!
Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!
Q: Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?
A: Because they both have sandy claws!
Q: What do you call it when Father Christmas takes a coffee break?
A: Santa pause!
Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.
Q: What do angry mice send at Christmas?
A: Cross mouse cards.
Q: Where does Santa Claus keep his red suit?
A: In his Santa closet.
Q: Why does Santa have a house at the North Pole?
A: Because he’s too fat to squeeze into an igloo!
Q: What’s red and white and full of holes?
A: Swiss Kringle!
Q: Why does Santa hire elves to make his toys?
A: Because they make short work of the job!
Q: What is Frosty’s favorite dinner?
A: Spaghetti and snowballs.
Q: What is Tarzan’s favorite Christmas carol?
A: Jungle Bells.
Q: Why did the elf paint himself green?
A: He was moonlighting as a leprechaun.
Q: Why do we kiss under the mistletoe?
A: Because it’s more fun than shaking hands.
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite Christmas song?
A: I’m Dreaming of a Bite Christmas.
Q: What amphibian do we hang in doorways at Christmas?
Q: What would you call it if your wedding day was Decembr 25th?
A: A marry Christmas!
Q: In the Middle Ages, what did most people get for Christmas?
A: The plague.
Q: Who had a beard, webbed feet, and wrote A Christmas Carol?
A: Charles Duckens.
Q: What’s red and white and blue all over?
A: A candy cane holding its breath!
Q: What do you call a fear of being trapped in a chimney with a fat man?
A: Santa Claustrophobia!
Q: What would you get if you crossed Santa with a giraffe?
A: St. Neck!
Q: What would you get if you crossed one of Santa’s helpers with the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll?
A: Elfis Presley!
Q: What has fins, a tail, and is mailed to you at Christmas?
A: A Christmas cod.
Q: What did Santa say to his misbehaving reindeer?
A: Shape up or I’ll get a gnu crew.
Q: Why don’t elves play in the NBA?
A: They just don’t measure up.
Q: What is Santa’s favorite American state?
Q: What do Santa’s helpers make the day before Christmas?
A: Eight dollars an hour plus time and a half for overtime!
Q: What is a monster’s favorite Christmas poem?
A: The Fright Before Christmas!
Q: What would you have if Santa brought you a kitten and a puppy?
A: A meowy Christmas and a yappy New Year.
Q: Why was Santa’s sick helper reluctant to go to the hospital?
A: Because he didn’t have elf insurance!
Q: What has four legs, a hump, and is found at the North Pole?
A: A lost camel.
Q: What goes “Ho-Ho-Ho-Swish”?
A: Santa drilling a jump shot!
Q: What happens when Christmas angels meet?
A: They both say, “Halo!”
Q: Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
A: In the dictionary!
Q: What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?
A: You get tinselitis.
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp cringle.
Q; If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?
Q: What do Elfs learn at Elf school?
A: The elfabet.