A primer for those confused about this very special sport.
Quarterback Sneak: Those who duck and run out of a fireside right before the closing prayer to “avoid the rush.”
Draw Play: What many children do with the bulletin during Sacrament Meeting.
Half-time: The period between Sacrament and Sunday School when many choose to leave.
Bench warmer: Those who do not sing, pray, comment, teach, or apparently do anything but breathe.
Backfield-in-motion: Making a trip to the restroom or drinking fountain during a meeting.
Staying in the Pocket: The forgotten tithing envelope’s best move.
Two-minute Warning: The point at which you realize the meeting is almost over and begin to gather up your children and their cheerios, crayons, and stray Power Rangers.
Instant Replay: The speaker loses his/her notes and falls back on last week’s Sunday School lesson.
Sudden Death: What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the meeting goes into “overtime.”
Trap: You’re called on to pray and are asleep.
End Run: Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any visitor, fellow member, or best yet anyone in the bishopric.
Flex Defense: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the meeting to affect your life.
Halfback Option: The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for their other meetings.
Sacked: Being asked to speak in Sacrament meeting (tomorrow).
Blitz: The rush for the refrigerator following the closing prayer on fast Sunday.