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Freedom from the Oppression of the Word of Wisdom

Maybe I’m weird, but never in my 50 years of Mormondom have I hung my head and cried:

Oh, if only I could have wine with dinner, my entire life would be complete!

Freedom from the Oppression of the Word of Wisdom

Here are some other things I’ve never said:

My life is empty without getting sloppy drunk at least three or four times in my life!

I’ve always wondered what a screaming hangover feels like. Mormons are so deprived!

Coffee. Oh, please heavenly beings, just let me have coffee and I will do whatever you ask of me!

So it’s always an oddity to me when people decide to get edgy about being Mormon and one of the first things they do is to “boldly” and “courageously” break the Word of Wisdom. Often as not, they do it by loudly proclaiming their newfound freedom on social media. (As in, “I’m going to drink for the first time after being freed from the oppressive shackles of Mormondom and I want it to be epic! Who wants to help me get soused?!” As if it proves how radically free and independent they (finally) are.

No, sirree, bishop, you aren’t the boss of me. I can have the beverage of my choice and you can’t stop me!

Personally, no matter how I feel about being Mormon in general at any given time, I’ve always been really grateful for the Word of Wisdom. It has saved me lots of money and probably lots of problems, too. Having a rather addictive personality (as well as a history of migraines), it wouldn’t surprise me at all if (had it seemed an option) I had “self-medicated” myself to the point of needing a few weeks in rehab to dry out.

I just can’t see a lot of good that has come to the world because of drinking and smoking or even coffee. So—and you can quote me on this—should I ever fall off the church wagon (and I have no plans to), it won’t be over my intense desire to imbibe.

{ 5 comments… add one }
  • Marnie May 7, 2015, 6:13 pm

    OK, you got me. I’m totally with you on this. This is one of the best things to happen to Mormons whether you believe the doctrine or not. The people you’re describing (I’ve seen them, too) are cutting off their noses to spite their faces.

  • IdRatherNotSay May 7, 2015, 7:11 pm

    Oh brother. Some people never grow up. If you want to drink, go for it. That’s between you and the Lord; I don’t need to hear about it. Nobody cares. I’m far more concerned about the state of the nation and the world that I am passing onto my children. Perhaps if people were more actively engaged in worth-while activities such as family, personal development and the public good, they wouldn’t feel so inclined to announce such worthless information.

  • Dave D May 8, 2015, 7:43 am

    I saw this on Facebook just last week. My reaction was kind of the same. So don’t be a Mormon, but why be an fool?

  • Raydar May 8, 2015, 11:21 am

    I’m pretty sure I know what thread prompted this post. When you used the word “epic” I laughed.

    You got hammered for speaking up to what anyone with common sense was already thinking, but, you know, that group is not known for it’s rational thought (and I AM a feminist). They just like to use whatever cover they can for dismissing their religious upbringing and use each other to try not to feel guilty about it.

    So, yea, go drink your faces off and prove how much you think for yourself. Uh-huh.

  • Jimmi May 8, 2015, 2:43 pm

    Allison, I was raised Mormon until I was about nine. Then my parents divorced and I moved to Texas with my dad who wasn’t very religious anyway.

    I haven’t been to a Mormon church since but I do kind of follow Mormon things. The word of wisdom is something I learned in Primary and have stuck to, even though my dad never did. It just seems smart to me. Every friend I’ve had who drinks (which is most of them) has had a least a handful of really dumb/bad/scary situations because of the booze. I don’t know why a smart person would chose to put themselves in that position.

    Be smart. Don’t start. 🙂

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