Have you spent years struggling to make ends meet? Are you working at a job you don’t like? Do you work for a boss who doesn’t appreciate your true value?
Are you persecuted by the unjust, discriminatory way CEOs, movie stars, NFL players, and politicians rake in the dough while you slog around in the mud?
Your day of emancipation is here! It is your right to have career equality!
President Obama believes that all Americans (and non-Americans who live within American borders and maybe others, too) should be living the good life…as long as they “work hard.”
Still trying to wrap my head around this. But I’m so excited!
Being the freaking conservative capitalist that I am, I have no idea how to place monetary value on a product or service except to offer it to people and see what resources they are willing to exchange for my product or service. In other words, if I decide to produce and sell banana slicers, the value of the slicer is determined by how much of their hard-earned cash real consumers (without government incentives or subsidies or threats) will give me in exchange for one of my incredible gadgets.
Complex Scientific Formula: If they give me lots, the product is worth a lot. If they give me nothing, the product is worthless.
But fortunately for all the aspiring actors, singers, dancers, athletes, painters, photographers, writers, speakers, bloggers (!), and super models the world over, Mr. Obama has a better model whereby you can profit no matter what all those stupid, greedy people-who-earn-money think! Here is his 3-point plan:
- Choose a profession by following your passion! (No one should have to work a menial job! Especially not you!)
- Work “hard.” (Never mind the criteria, just work it, baby.)
- Be assured compensation at at least a “living wage.” (Defined as “the wage needed to buy your vote in the next election cycle.”)
The possibilities are endless. My husband and I can finally toss aside all that tedious stuff and do what we love! Just tell me where to sign up and collect my check!
And if you’re looking for more nonsensical crappola coming from the White House, watch Bill O’Reilly’s interview with the Prez yesterday. Or just read my quickie interview summary below.
A: Dodge + blah blah blah
Q: Was “If you like your healthcare you can keep it” the biggest mistake of your presidency?
A: Dodge + major BS
Q: Libya – terrorist
A: Dodge + obfuscation
Q: Susan Rice
A: Dodge + lies
Q: Everybody understands it’s dangerous
A: No, because Republicans suck
Q: IRS chief in White House ALL THE FREAKING TIME – WHY?
A: Healtcare.gov and financial reforms + I never saw him + BS
Q: How do you know that’s not true?
A: Because I know it + Fox
Q: No corruption?
A: Not a smidgen of corruption
Q: Why do you want to fundamentally transform the America that allowed you to be President?
A: I don’t want to [even though I used that line to get elected] + crazy talk on other topic
The icing on the cake, the cherry on top, the pièce de résistance, the coup de grâce:
I think that what we have to do is make sure that, here in America, if you work hard you can get ahead.
What are you going to do with your new federally guaranteed and prosperous career?
After a great deal of consideration, I’ve decided I will “work hard” at being a chocolate taster. I plan to get started working hard at it right away. I’ll keep you posted on my progress once the cash starts a flowing!
God bless America!